I haven’t written in a while, and maybe that’s because my stomach turns when I think about writing.
See every time I pick up a pen with the thought of pouring out my feelings, my brain turns to you.
I know that’s crazy, because I should be over you by now. I shouldn’t want to text you up and tell you “I’m sorry”.
But of course, I’ll always be sorry.
Sometimes I just feel like the only thing I can ever do right is argue and love you.
I’m sorry I got upset. It’s just that you have no idea how hard it is to see you with her, even though you tell me you love me.
Even though you hold me and sneak off with me and yeah, we had a great few days, but that was all.
It could never work long time because you won’t leave her, even though she’s cheating on you.
Of course, you were essentially doing the same thing with me.
It’s insane; I can’t even feel good about a new boyfriend.
I need you.
I hate this.
I hate loving you because where does it end me? Right here back with you.
And I know, I know that you will never ever tell me why you won’t leave her but I think it’s because you’re comfortable with her.
I don’t know.
I just wish that you could see how much that hurts, how much that makes me feel like crap.
And yeah, I get it, I’m being a hypocrite to an extent, but I never never never never once told you I loved you while dating another person.
I never played with you that much.
I hope you understand that this sucks.
I hope you get that.
And today I realized that maybe I just liked the way he talked to me, because he reminded me of the way you should have been.
You should be with me.
We should be together, at least that’s the way it’s always been.
I guess people and things really do change.
If we ever talk again, and I ever share this with you, I want you to know how miserable I am at this moment,
how much I desperately need to tell you how much I hate you.
I wish you the best of luck.