You’d Think Coffee was Some Kind of Miracle Drug

10 PM

It’s not like I TRY to stay awake at night.

I wonder what she’s doing…

I’m not saying to myself “oh yeah let’s just lay here and stare at the ceiling!” I play ambient music I open the window I close the window sheet no sheet blanket no blanket.

She’s probably trying to sleep.

Or maybe she’s thinking about me?

No I’m trying my best to get that eight hours I just -

can’t

I wish...

12 AM

stop. I don’t want to think about it anymore I just need to go to sleep. I have to be up early tomorrow there are errands to run things to do places to go

people to -

My ears are ringing, that’s definitely a sign.

I miss her - voice face laugh smile body… body.

I just need to go to sleep.

Why is it that I’m always stuck here on this bed thinking about

2 AM

him. His voice face laugh smile body… STOP. I highly doubt he ever thinks about me anymore so why is it that when the moonlight shines through my window and the world is quiet that my mind isn’t? He doesn’t even know me anymore or maybe I don’t know myself.

Maybe I should call her, is it too late?

My ears are ringing…

All I know is that I need to go to sleep but

3:33 AM

of course. Of course I’m thinking about him at 3:33. Devil’s hour the haunting hour the deadly hour. If only he could just haunt my dreams instead, then at least I would be sleeping.

Yeah, she’s definitely asleep. Well… maybe.

 

5 AM

                                            Fuck.     Fuck.

7 AM

Nice.

Fucking nice.

WHY AM I STILL AWAKE? I really have a problem. It’s too late to take any melatonin, that ship sailed around 2 AM. Back when I thought I was going to fall asleep. My eyes were heavy enough, I couldn’t move.

Well I’M definitely still awake. This never happens…

I might as well get up and take a shower.                   I might as well get up and take a shower.

I don’t think I can function today.

I am exhausted…

                                 I need coffee.                     I need coffee.

8 AM

“Hi, could I get a medium iced white chocolate mocha?”

The usual, a classic, a masterpiece. GOD I’m so tired.

I can’t believe she’s here.  I should say something.

“Your usual, huh?”

THAT’S THE LINE YOU WENT WITH? Idiot.

“Oh you know, it’s always been my favorite.”

I can’t believe he’s here… standing in front of me.

“Do you want some company?”

Say yes. Please.

What do I say? Yes? No? I still love you?

“Sure, why not?”

Cool, calm, collected. My hands are shaking.

Her hands are shaking.

“I’ll go grab a seat over there.”         

“Sounds good!”

                             God I love coffee.                         God I love coffee.