The Writer of My Future

Wed, 09/06/2017 - 19:49 -- VWjam

My words are locked inside of me.

It is rude to talk to oneself in public, so I refrain from doing it.

But...

My tongue is twisting itself, trying to part my lips.

All the curse words I want to yell, I tense my jaws so they won't escape.

Gods, I am so sorry I hold you in, but I must.

I'm afraid for my image.

I have a lot of things to say, believe me, please.

I'm trying so hard to hold onto all these images I want you to see

When you think of me that I'm losing--

My personality seems fickle because I emit all kinds of vibes

That attract all kinds of creatures.

Sometimes I involuntarily emit the wrong one to one of the creatures it has ensnared,

And that creature wonders where the hell is that particular light I always showed.

Jesus Christ, I've invoked your name

Even though I am not one of yours

To lament about my distresses.

I am having a pity party in a dark room, where I am wearing

A jacket, but my back is cold, where I am wearing

Shorts but my bared legs are warm, who the fuck will want to attend at this rate?

That's right, me, what the hell is there to celebrate?

Why am I selfish?

How the fuck am I selfish?

I don't want to take on responsibilities unless they pertain to me.

I don't want to unburden the load on people unless I gain from those.

I make up excuses, but inside I feel like punching myself.

Sometimes I believe someone is writing my life from behind my back,

I, never to see my writer,

My writer always to write my future.

Is this an excuse or a phenomenon?

I always think about what I should be thinking.

I reprimand myself over selfish thoughts, approve when it is compassionate and kind.

God fuck, I don't want to categorize and single out my thoughts like this!

I'm tired...

Tired of what?

Why am I in such a loop?

Why is it so hard to talk?

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741