Why Shouldn't I be Happy?

Tears stain the fake leather of my boots

the salt fringed watermarks where I left my heartstrings

There are so many marks I have left behind

In all the cities I have ever loved

And even some that I cannot remember

But I remember more than the Alamo

I remember more than the Titanic

and the Chernobyl Disaster and 9/11

Not because I was there...

But because some losses you can never forget

and disasters make me feel like less of one.

See I always knew I wasn't the perfect son

I always knew the wind only blew in my direction on Sundays

When even the skies seemed a little bit darker

Or maybe we were

The clocks seem to tick so much louder on those days

and time is a fleeting concept

almost as much as life is

and when they lower my coffin into a grave

my boneyard of missed chances and broken hearts

Do not mourn for the missed misery

do not shed tears for encourgament to the graveyard grass

the caretaker has enough work to do already

Instead, ride the bus

take a different route home

if it is raining, then listen to the rain

if it is sunny, feel the warm rays

and if you can't bring yourself outside then sigh

clasp your hands and run cool water through them

feel the icy touch trickle down and to the drain

these are all signs that you are alive

And if you are still alive then dont let go

not yet

hold onto the experience of breathing in and out

do not let the night pass you by without laughing in the dark

The moon only rises to hear us laugh

and when I am not here to laugh with you,

do not dissapoint her.

I know happiness is a locked box

a chest with a key we lost many years ago

and perhaps we'll never learn to open it again

Or perhpas it was always unlocked

and we just didn't pull hard enough