How was she to know it would turn out this way?

What were the warning signs?

What was she supposed to look for?

When was she supposed to stop?

Can she really help who she wants?

She saw his brother and knew,

She knew he was the one.

Is that wrong?

Is that her fault that she fell for his brother on their first date?

Everyone says it is wrong,

But how can something that feels so good be wrong?

How can something that makes her feel so happy be such a bad thing?

Be so wrong?

So promiscuous?

The heart wants what it wants,

But the fact that this is what it wants is driving her crazy.

It's changing her.

Making her want to stop feeling.

Stop thinking.

So she does everything to put her mind off of it.

She listens to her music loud.

She listens to the music loud.

Not hers.

Hers is more poetic.

She can't risk it.

Has to listen to this music that makes no sense.

Just the beat.

Pulse her bones and make her feel lost.

She drinks and feels peace

The worst kind of drinking she knows.

"Trying hard not to get into trouble

But I have a war in my mind"

She sings.

She just wants to feel nothing but not too much of nothing.

That's when it gets scary.

That line gets crossed and it changes.

The mood's all different.

She went from just wanting peace

To just wanting end,

and blackness.

To wanting to give in to the suffocation,

The drowning.

She just wants to feel high all the time so she can stop these feelings and thoughts.

But she can't pick and choose what she feels.

But for now she just feels the tingling zombified feeling

She wants

She needs to feel

Can't wait to not remember

everything.