words

words whip around me

like snowflakes

like leaves

caught in a 

hurricane wind

 

words 

words pile up inside of me

in snowdrifts

in leaf piles

with no one to jump in them

laughing

 

words 

words want to escape me 

like birds

like bees

trapped inside a hive

 

but they can’t

not the normal way

 

words 

words are broken inside me

caught in my throat

in my mind

pounding their fists on the locked door

with no key

 

they can’t come out

not the normal way

 

i can’t speak

and everyone knows 

it

wonders why

that girl has

a 

speaking

disorder

 

dis

or

der

 

failure

i know what that

sounds like

i’ve heard it 

one

too many times

 

every broken word 

that doesn’t make it 

past 

my lips

is another

failure

 

embarrassment

i know what that 

feels like

i’ve felt it

one

too many times

 

every tense silence

that ends

with

someone else 

speaking 

is another

embarrassment

 

i know what helplessness

looks like

i’ve looked in the mirror

one

too many times

 

 

i know myself

myself 

has seen

every tear

every broken shell

every letdown

and locked it away

 

but

 

when i was

four

my fingertips became magical

my soul opened

i put up arguments

sang beautiful songs

poured my feelings into poems

imagined stories in far away lands

 

all without saying

a word

i didn’t even have to open my mouth

 

words

words wanted to escape me

now

they come pelting down towards earth

like rain

soft summer rain

 

words

words pile up outside me

on neat stacks of black-typed letters

in white paper

 

words 

words swirl around me

softly now

gently flying to the ground

on paper airplanes

and floating down a stream of words

in a skiff

made

of paper

 

the day my words 

found a way

out

was the day 

that I became

a 

Writer