Why don't you love me (Part 1)
Why don't you love me
You could at least pretend
Please call me
Please
Just tell me that you liked me too
That you were too afraid to tell me
That you were not sure what to do
Please i need you
Why did you sound annoyed on the phone
I am so sorry that i am a inconvience to you
That i took 3 minutes out of your terrible life
To tell you that i I have been trying to find you, for so long
For my whole life i have been looking for you
But you dont give a **** about me
Everythings a lie
You're a lie
But my mind is what creates them
You lied to me, you're not who you seem to be,
Your're words are lies, why say things you don't mean
I was trying to find out if you were okay and how you were doing
oh wait, i still am
Did you ever think once, about how i was doing
If i was doing okay
If i was surviving this terrible thing called life
If i was feeling alone and afraid, desparate and in despair
Why is it that i cant get you out of my mind
You're like a disease,
a parasite that can't and never will be removed
i cry so many tears over you
why!
i cry so much that i'm drowning
i can't breath, i can't see, i can't think
i'm trying to find the surface but i can't
my lungs are filling up
there is no escape
every night i go to sleep i hope the morning never comes
that my mind will just fade into nothing
the pain will go away
but the alarm always goes off
do you know how much you've hurt me
i cut my taped up, stiched up, beating heart out for you
and you took it and threw it back in my face
shattering into a million pieces
it will never be repaired
it will never be whole again
i cant put it back
just sweep it up and throw it away
how can someone react the way you did
I looked into your soul
I looked as we both stood under the harsh light
I saw your pain
I saw that you were suffering and could barley hold it in anymore
I saw that your past had traumatized you
And its effects will never leave you
I saw that you were so miserble and couldn´t take it anymore
It hurt you to smile
You wore your pain on your face and it looked like it was killing you
From the inside out
Eating away at your soul and who you are, and destroying the light that you are
I looked into your eyes and i saw you, i looked into your soul
You wore no happy mask
You weren't fake
You were real
Real in the way you didn't hide who you were,
didn't put up a front
You lived in your sadness,
You were sadness,
You reaked of it
I saw that you were in pain, like me
but maybe i was wrong, maybe i so off
maybe your a fake **** like everyone
i hate you
maybe you were just fine, maybe your not so sad as i think
maybe i just saw your blue eyes and that was all
maybe you thought who is this annoying girl who keeps coming to my aisle
you probably are as empty and disgusting as every other human
i thought you were alone and lonely
i thought you couldn´t bare life anymore, and are reaching your breaking point
i thought i connected to you,
i thought that maybe we would connect and get each other
in my stupid la la land fantasy world
i thought you were gonna be the one,
the one who finally understands me,
the one who accepts me,
you were gonna be my best freind,
you were gonna like me,
love me,
want me,
need me,
protect me,
defend me,
s a v e m e
From my terrible exitance
You were gonna breath life into my
broken,
band aid covered,
leaking
soul
Gonna pull me out of this terrible ocean of my mind
And i was gonna become who i used to be and finally be happy for once
I wanted to save you too
I still do
We were gonna save each other, and be bound together for eternity
Please save me
I need you
So badly
But you don't need me or maybe you do
Everything is so unclear, i wish everything wasnt so confusing,
That you were clear about how you feel
Whats your deal
My ears are sore from listening to this chaotic rage
While i scream for help, but no one can hear
My head hurts but i feel numb too
A cool tear is dripping down my nose
I could fill a swimming pool with all the tears i have cried for you
Please just call me,
please lets just hang out once,
i want to see your beautiful face,
your beautiful eyes,
those icy blue eyes
Even when i see a photo of you, just a photo
My hearts to race
I cant breath
My face goes red
I have tunnel vison and the light coming is you
But your a bullet train, coming at me 100 miles per hour,
my fate is sealed
My heart stops,
my body explodes,
so fast that no one even notices
My whole being is obliterated
But you have no idea about that
Or That i have spent hours trying to find any evidence of you
I am trying to put the pieces together
Trying to figure you out
Looking for something that will make me hate you
My face reflects the bright lights of the all the profiles i have scrolled though
Seeing your face, your pained face
Makes me fall apart all over again
Whats wrong me
Why am i doing this to myself
I am being killed every second
I cant stand this, this cycle, this repetiton of torture and lonleyness
Whats the point anymore
I hate being alive
Life Sucks and theres no way around it