Why don't you love me (Part 1)

Why don't you love me  

You could at least pretend 

Please call me  

Please 

Just tell me that you liked me too 

That you were too afraid to tell me 

That you were not sure what to do 

Please i need you 

Why did you sound annoyed on the phone 

I am so sorry that i am a inconvience to you 

That i took 3 minutes out of your terrible life 

To tell you that i I have been trying to find you, for so long 

For my whole life i have been looking for you 

But you dont give a **** about me   

Everythings a lie

You're a lie

But my mind is what creates them

You lied to me, you're not who you seem to be,

Your're words are lies, why say things you don't mean

I was trying to find out if you were okay and how you were doing 

oh wait, i still am

Did you ever think once, about how i was doing 

If i was doing okay 

If i was surviving this terrible thing called life 

If i was feeling alone and afraid, desparate and in despair

Why is it that i cant get you out of my mind

You're like a disease,

a parasite that can't and never will be removed

i cry so many tears over you

why!

i cry so much that i'm drowning

i can't breath, i can't see, i can't think

i'm trying to find the surface but i can't

my lungs are filling up

there is no escape
every night i go to sleep i hope the morning never comes

that my mind will just fade into nothing

the pain will go away

but the alarm always goes off

do you know how much you've hurt me

i cut my taped up, stiched up, beating heart out for you

and you took it and threw it back in my face

shattering into a million pieces

it will never be repaired

it will never be whole again

i cant put it back

just sweep it up and throw it away

how can someone react the way you did

I looked into your soul 

I looked as we both stood under the harsh light 

I saw your pain  

I saw that you were suffering and could barley hold it in anymore 

I saw that your past had traumatized you 

And its effects will never leave you 

I saw that you were so miserble and couldn´t take it anymore 

It hurt you to smile  

You wore your pain on your face and it looked like it was killing you

From the inside out 

Eating away at your soul and who you are, and destroying the light that you are  

I looked into your eyes and i saw you, i looked into your soul 

You wore no happy mask 

You weren't fake  

You were real 

Real in the way you didn't hide who you were,

didn't put up a front 

You lived in your sadness,

You were sadness,

You reaked of it

I saw that you were in pain, like me

but maybe i was wrong, maybe i so off 

maybe your a fake **** like everyone

i hate you 

maybe you were just fine, maybe your not so sad as i think 

maybe i just saw your blue eyes and that was all 

maybe you thought who is this annoying girl who keeps coming to my aisle 

you probably are as empty and disgusting as every other human 

i thought you were alone and lonely 

i thought you couldn´t bare life anymore, and are reaching your breaking point 

i thought i connected to you,

i thought that maybe we would connect and get each other 

in my stupid la la land fantasy world

i thought you were gonna be the one,

the one who finally understands me,

the one who accepts me,

you were gonna be my best freind, 

you were gonna like me,

love me,

 

want me,

 

need me,

 

protect me,

 

defend me, 

                 

s a v e  m e

 

From my terrible exitance 

 

 

You were gonna breath life into my

broken,

band aid covered,

leaking

soul  

Gonna pull me out of this terrible ocean of my mind 

And i was gonna become who i used to be and finally be happy for once 

I wanted to save you too  

I still do 

We were gonna save each other, and be bound together for eternity 

Please save me 

I need you 

So badly 

But you don't need me or maybe you do 

Everything is so unclear, i wish everything wasnt so confusing,

That you were clear about how you feel

Whats your deal 

My ears are sore from listening to this chaotic rage

While i scream for help, but no one can hear

My head hurts but i feel numb too 

A cool tear is dripping down my nose 

I could fill a swimming pool with all the tears i have cried for you  

Please just call me,

please lets just hang out once,

i want to see your beautiful face,

your beautiful eyes,

those icy blue eyes 

Even when i see a photo of you, just a photo 

My hearts to race 

I cant breath 

My face goes red 

I have tunnel vison and the light coming is you 

But your a bullet train, coming at me 100 miles per hour, 

my fate is sealed 

My heart stops,

my body explodes,

so fast that no one even notices 

My whole being is obliterated 

But you have no idea about that 

Or That i have spent hours trying to find any evidence of you 

I am trying to put the pieces together 

Trying to figure you out 

Looking for something that will make me hate you 

My face reflects the bright lights of the all the profiles i have scrolled though 

Seeing your face, your pained face 

Makes me fall apart all over again 

Whats wrong me 

Why am i doing this to myself 

I am being killed every second 

I cant stand this, this cycle, this repetiton of torture and lonleyness 

Whats the point anymore 

I hate being alive 

Life Sucks and theres no way around it 

    

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Cali.Rose

Damn. You said it.

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