You were the one who always asked if I was alright, but you were the who was dying inside. You were the one who laughed in the face of fear, I was so proud when you told me you'd been clean for four years. You promised me that you were healed, that you no longer needed to scar your body in order to feel. You sat and looked me in my face, did you think honesty would make you a disgrace or tarnish your family name. Was your life truly worth it? You were the only thing in this world I viewed as perfect.

Why?

Was the way the sun bounced off your beautiful brown eyes annoying?

Was it the sound of the birds chirping in the morning?

Was it the cheesy smile that plastered my face every time we embraced?    

Or was it that the amount of love that I gave you not enough?

Why?

Why can't I stop thinking that the sun is too bright, and that it somehow damaged your eyes?

Why can't I listen to natures rhythm, without thinking about how much I hate you at this moment?

Why can't I keep a smile on my face, I can't stop the tears that have taken its place.

What happend to my hugs? What happened to my love?

You said it yourself suicide is never the way out. I was always there for you and I told you to reach out. That's why I'm so hurt and defeated, the one time I was the one you needed. You reached out and I didn't receive it. One missed call changed your life, a couple of drinks and a blade changed mine.