A whole lot of feelin
To feel pain is to seek healing only for some
for others it is to become lost in that feeling
to escape from feeling numb.
But to feel is to submit to the reason of its being
while expressing that feeling of wanting to feel
but really feeling nothing.
I reach to find meaning in a life
where I only seem to feel everything but what I seek
and its easy to forget the thing you seek when you feel weak
and only seem to see what you don't want to see.
But to reach out and touch that little bit of light that you seek,
is like reaching through a tunnel that's trying to guide me
but sometimes makes it hard to see.
It's what you hate and what you fear
that takes you down the path that you need
to find what you want.
It's loving what you hate and accepting your fear
that is the hardest part of finding yourself.
It's loving your fear and accepting your hate
that is easy to get lost in
while thinking that you are not lost but found.
It's not the goal that is the problem
it is the path you've chosen to get there.
I didn't ask for my cousin to get a bullet to the head
I didn't anticipate any of them three to be dead by the time I was ready
to take the next step in my life
and have them there to witness it
and see what I've become,
see me find myself,
find feeling when I'm supposed to be numb.
But I'm not going to stop doing what I've done
because what I've done is a reflection
of the feeling I got when I was around them
and when I'm around them I feel love
I feel passion, I feel inspiration,
but above all of those feelings
the fact that I'm feeling is enough to keep me fighting
the feeling of being numb.
Because when I feel numb I feel nothing.
That nothing is the darkness
that makes up the tunnel surrounding the light
I am trying to feel.
But atleast I know that when I feel, I am alive,
and if thats true then I will take all of the pain the world has to offer
because that pain will never keep me
from losing sight of the light I seek,
which is to love the hate
because the light can shine through the darkness
but the darkness can never take my light.