A whole lot of feelin

Mon, 02/13/2017 - 21:22 -- Joaquin

To feel pain is to seek healing only for some

for others it is to become lost in that feeling

to escape from feeling numb.

But to feel is to submit to the reason of its being 

while expressing that feeling of wanting to feel

but really feeling nothing.

I reach to find meaning in a life

where I only seem to feel everything but what I seek

and its easy to forget the thing you seek when you feel weak

and only seem to see what you don't want to see.

But to reach out and touch that little bit of light that you seek,

is like reaching through a tunnel that's trying to guide me

but sometimes makes it hard to see.

It's what you hate and what you fear

that takes you down the path that you need

to find what you want.

It's loving what you hate and accepting your fear

that is the hardest part of finding yourself.

It's loving your fear and accepting your hate

that is easy to get lost in

while thinking that you are not lost but found.

It's not the goal that is the problem

it is the path you've chosen to get there.

I didn't ask for my cousin to get a bullet to the head

I didn't anticipate any of them three to be dead by the time I was ready

to take the next step in my life

and have them there to witness it

and see what I've become,

see me find myself,

find feeling when I'm supposed to be numb.

But I'm not going to stop doing what I've done

because what I've done is a reflection

of the feeling I got when I was around them

and when I'm around them I feel love

I feel passion, I feel inspiration,

but above all of those feelings

the fact that I'm feeling is enough to keep me fighting

the feeling of being numb.

Because when I feel numb I feel nothing. 

That nothing is the darkness

that makes up the tunnel surrounding the light

I am trying to feel.

But atleast I know that when I feel, I am alive,

and if thats true then I will take all of the pain the world has to offer

because that pain will never keep me

from losing sight of the light I seek,

which is to love the hate

because the light can shine through the darkness

but the darkness can never take my light.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community

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