Who Am I?

It’s common sense to understand that no one can be the same person they were a year ago, I mean, it is possible, but highly unlikely. But myself, I am basic. Obviously, I have gotten older, and I have matured, but over the course of twelve months, I have changed physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

    Physically, I have grown into my body. I have discovered curves that were non-existent a year ago, I have lost weight in some places, gained in others, my hair is shorter, my legs are longer, and I’ve finally discovered the lows of puberty- acne. I have never been known to be have a splotchy and imperfect face, but oh has times changed. Stress has given me more pimples these past two months than I’ve ever had throughout my life! It’s such difficult and tedious work, but with home D.I.Y face masks and acne remedies, I’ve learned to control most of my breakouts.

    Referring to my emotions and stability, I’m still a concrete wall on some days, but a glass window on others. I tend to find myself a lot more moody and bipolar than I used to be, but I now know how to control my anger. My heart has been toyed with multiple times this year, it has been stepped on, shattered, mistreated, and broken more times than I can recall. In hindsight, I guess it’s my fault for falling in love so easily.To this very day, I may still be hurting from time to time, but I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I now know how to let go, forgive, and move on. I now know how to love myself, before loving others. I now know how to express myself, and my emotions using my actions, not just my words. Loving a higher entity has also changed my emotional outlook this year.

    Spiritually, I have discovered where I stand in this world. I have found where I belong, not dead nor alive, but living. Many people today are alive, but not many are truly living. I have found a greater power to believe in, I have found that in order to reach enlightenment and to have my prayers answered, I must not hope for a miracle, but I must meet Him halfway. I must push and work hard for what I believe in, in order to be rewarded in the end. I had no clue of that a year ago.

    I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’m no longer shy, timid or afraid to be myself. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, I’m not as dependent as I used to be, and I’m better than ever. But, I’m still me. I’m still the Alexis Ke-haunani Mateo-Merck that I was born to be.


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