Who am I?

Last weekend I lost myself again.

I turned into the person I regretfully forgot to remember.

The person who I'm afraid of, the horrible drunk.

There were triggers of course people thinking 'oh god here she's goes' or 'don't have to go so wild'

People don't see what I see. What it means to be me.

What it means to see.

The triggers offended, hurt and caused pain.

Pain that will resonate and I'll try to fade.

I become the angry person I once become, trying to grasp for air once the damage has been done.

The looks of judgement soon fade away.

But the pain of the result still feels the same.

Grows stronger and has more hold.

Hold that I can't control.

Everytime I ruin something so dearly, something so dearly that frustrates me clearly.

Time is running out, friendships are ending.

Was it me? Is it trending?

Is it blocked out pain or a trauma from my past?

A life of love I will never quite grasp.

I hurt people.

I let people down.

Will I ever have any control?

Why. Why. Why.

Can I get back to the person I was before?

But who was I before?

Robin Williams once said you can be in a room full of people but still feel alone.

I feel this today and feel isolated, sad.

Surrender.

How am I a lovely soul?

If I keep hurting people and myself?

Why can't I control?

Why am I alone?

These are the questions I ask myself.

But more or less I know why I guess.

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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