The other day one of my friends said to me "Jaz...you have no idea how many guys check you out whenyou walk by.
I found that really intersting.
Considering that here, int he Midwest
I don't feel beautiful.
Because, I always seem to get the comment,
"Well I've never dated a black girl before"
First of all, I'm Dominican.
Second of all, shoudl the color of my skin determine some differenc int he way you treat me?
So much that I'm not longer seen as a woman?
That I am a new breed of species so difficult to understand
That you come up with an excuse that's worse than simply saying
"Hey...I'm not interstesd"
Yes, that would hurt and sting.
But rejection is something I can get over
Felling like an alievn however...
That takes a bit longer
Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin
Getting a NEW thought in my head that no one will ever love me
Because theres something wrong with me
So now I hear
Not pretty enough
Not skinny enough
My hair isn't as long as they'd like
Or as straight
Tonge too sharp for conversations
My attitude too bold to deal with
But NOW to add to that
I am not white enough
I'm sorry I don't fit your fucked up socially constructed view of beauty
So I tell myself I'd be bold and go up to that guy and let him know I think he's attractive
Because men don't always have to make the first move
But I find myself
Ont he spot in front of you
It's funny how the mind works
In that instant I don't remember my feminist ideals of couring
Or the book I read the other day on interracial race relations
All I can think is
"Do I look white enough?"