I see faces each day
The same faces that pass by the same way
Nothing, nothing is all I say
My lips quiver but my voice is nothing but a weak mocking squeak
My head hangs down low, avoiding gazes, hearing the rumors that leak.
The few familiar and safe beg me to talk
But it’s too hard the walls are up, and the doors their bolted with deadlocks
Giving in sometimes seems like the only option
But I didn’t give up till I looked through life’s magazine and read every caption
Up top it read “When silence hits, paper listens”
So I grabbed a pen and wrote till my soul glisten
To rid myself of such emotion, to find understanding clears the soul to start a new
And that’s exactly what I planned to do
Six years later I know I’m not shiny and new
But rather wiser, smarter, passionate, and held together with glue
And it’s all thanks to the words “it goes on.”
Those words have changed me more than any beauty salon ever could.
I am a full believer that people who read wish to escape to another place, people who write wish to express. This is why I write. I want to be able to express what I need when it needs to be let out. Emotions are raw and deep, and with writing you can convey that. I first started writing my sophomore year of high school. It started out in eight grade I would collect quote, all different kinds of quotes but they always had to mean something to me or be dealing with something that I was going through at the time. I would find a quote in a book, highlight it and write it down in a journal that I still have with me today. Of course by now the one journal has ended up with half a book case full of quotes, saying, poems, and stories.
I never realized that one day that writing would save my life. My freshman year of High school I fell victim to an abusive relationship. I never felt so dirty, unwanted. I felt like I wasn’t even living that I was just going through the motions. Eventually I stopped talking to everyone, nothing matter, at this point I was numb. Even after my parents and the school found out about it and got me away from the situation I felt nothing, I felt as if every ounce of my being had been sucked away and I was just a lifeless soul. I was placed into therapy where I would talk very little still being silent toward everyone and everything, not because I was being stubborn but because there was nothing I could say. All the feelings I felt…like I shouldn’t exist, that somehow it was entirely fault, how I must be a disgrace to the family. To feel those emotions and to not let them out was the very beginning to my soon to be end. I could feel myself slip away each day a little bit more.
That’s when it happened, the turning point of starting over. I came back from therapy one day, I do believe it was April 22nd and I fell upon my notebook or quotes. See this day still brings back tears to my eyes because this was the day I was done. There was a reason I had the notebook in my hand I was looking for paper to start writing down who would get what. I flipped opened the page tears were bursting from my face. The first quote caught my eye, “In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on.” To many of people this would just be a quote by Robert Frost but to me these words were my salvation. Everything just clicked, in that moment these words meant it’s okay, it’s okay to be weak right now because everything is going to get better. Things may be bad right now but they won’t always be this way life goes on like you will if you give yourself time. There will be other things that are so much better than this if you don’t give up hope. I remember crying myself to sleep that night with the promise of I was going to go on life like, that I was going to get through.
After that night I started writing about how I felt in any shape or form I could poems, stories, and quotes. See even though I couldn’t get the words out to share with my family, the pages listened.