where to?

Where to go from here
an empty space in a room
the silence foreshadows doom
I must move
I must break free of these bonds that are holding me
they all laugh with cheer
but I'm sitting here
bitterness grows like a warm stove
where will my anger go from here.
Where to go from here
to be ignored is my worst fear come true
but I'll prove them wrong
I'll be somebody, moving to the beat of my own drum
make them look on
say there's the girl who sat in shadows
always seen but never heard like a fabled child
they'll wish they were me
but where do I go from here?
Do I sit so high that I can't get down
You can't climb up to keep me company
It even gets lonely at the top
Where to go from here.
 
I feel empty
No one to love me
to fill that empty space from within
a dark, gaping hole
that takes more and more
of who  I really am
crashing from the high I never reached
seeing red
my blood, my heart
spilled onto these pages
doesn't warm me up like a stove would
rubbing cold hands against an open fire
but no satisfaction comes
I only get burned
that's what happens when you love and can't let go
I should learn how to swim
because I'm surrounded by an ocean of salt water-
my tears
no one to hear
no one to care
but I know that's not true
so how come I can't get past
this tape on my mouth
the chains holding me back
I have to
I must
I can't
break free
ever so slowly losing the old me
trying to find her
the girl I want to be
but I'm stuck in between
woman or child, child or woman
these are the teen years with a dark twist
no freedom is given to me
so I must sit in the agonizing silence of my mind
the  voices that jeer, chortle, scream, shout
the voices that urge me to cut
to jump
to die
because no one will miss me
but I must
I will
I can
fight back
these bonds will not hold me back
I will achieve
I can achieve all that I have set out to be
Just close my eyes
take a deep breath
whisper his name under my breathe
and fight back
because I will be
I can be
everything I hope to be
at the tend of the struggle there's a new me
just like at the end of a storm there's a rainbow for all to see.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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