When You Go Looking
Location
I suppose I've never known how people see me-
Not to say that I haven't thought about it a lot,
(much much more than I care to admit)
There was a time I didn't think anyone saw me at all,
And whether or not it was true, I suppose it was my fault
I was too afraid to let them peak behind the curtain-
It was far too important to seem strong || I've lately considered that 'Better Late Than Never'
is not quite so corny as it sounds,
As long as I can write,
As long as I can speak
I can lift the fog that surrounds me-
As an oldest child, bossy followed me through middle school
I faught to be a better person
I clawed my way through social anxiety
until I found who I was
I discovered a girl who was proud to be a girl-
with a paaion for clothes and proving she was strong anyway-
A girl who was also a young woman
A young woman who despised pointless agression and blame
Someone who strove to own her actions; good or bad
Feminine and also powerful
Stubborn one minute,
and 'go-with-the-flow' the next
afraid to be seen, but brave enough to step into the spotlight anyway
A girl who decided that if caring is a weakness,
then it was a weakness she would gladly accept-
A girl prone to liking something solely because no one else does-
and also NOT liking something just because everyone does
A little too self rightous for her own good
(I'm working on that, I swear)
Someone reasonable yet optimistic
Someone who could look in the mirror,
look into bright green eyes staring out of a pale face and say,
"I'm pretty the way I am, but it's time for a change. And that's okay"
Someone who feels at home when I'm alone,
but never wants to be lonely-
Someone who gets overwhelmed standing in the woods
because of the beauty I'm lucky enough to live in-
A woman who sings without realizing it,
a girl who can't seem to stop the music
yes, I found that person-
that fabulous imperfect and unabashedly free someone
that was me all along-
although I started looking for her to make others see,
I found her because I got lost in the maze of me
and forgot the world-
far too absorbed in my own universe,
to notice that now I was looking for me.