When My Sister Died.

Wed, 10/29/2014 - 20:10 -- Ravhael

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being in the age of adolence and pimples was probably my favorite time to be alive, although you don't get boyfriends, you get family
living in my house, we had very few family dinners but we always did things together, as for my sister, she was already in her teens with boys and bad grades.
i hadn't known what to think of her growing body other than beauty and light, we would sit in her room and talk about men and write on her mirror
i would watch her do her make up and sometimes annoy her in the shower
she was my everything at age 6
7
she was someone i wanted to be around all the time, dad was gone for work and mom would miss him
both parents vaugely absent, only left me with a sisterly embrace. there were of course days we would get in terrible fights
i would cry and write letters of apologies
8, 9
something happened and she is nowhere in the line of fire
i head to counseling like she was
her guidance and care slipping away at each revisit she would have me lie so she could see that boy
that boy that ruined her
that took her away from me
that took her away from everyone
she became involved too much and his venom was coursing through her veins
making her moody and skipping school and smoking half a pack
his tight grip kept her away from us
something happened and she is nowhere in the line of fire
i head to counseling like she was
her guidance and care slipping away at each revisit
i want to tell her that I am scared and that she should be too
that boys are dangerous and that men are far worse
that our once mutual isn't even scared to look at me
10
she finally left at 18, the last day i really saw her
really felt the pain of loosing her
really felt grief
at age 10
she was my last hope of love
and then she vanished from the boys anaconda grip, making her grasp for air and me trying to revive her once he let go
once he let go, she punched me in the gut and went after him
they concived and now my niece is deceased too.
11, 12
we have been trying to be corgial, with both the enemy and our lost love
mom cries and dad stands his ground with a baseball bat
i am inconvient and not important at this age
my feelings are unnessacary or too scary to comprehend
my heart is not what has to be mended right now
i am too young to realize the pain 
i wish upon myself blindness so i don't have to endure the sight of fire bouncing off my sisters vacant bedroom
so i don't have to look in the mirror and witness the ghost of me crying
13
i have grown up with the absence of warmth and soft hearts to keep me from falling over the edge
i am halfway there at age 13
seeing my sister down there
holding my hand, telling me it's ok to be me
telling me i shouldn't give up
telling me she is scared but too in love with the demon to leave
too in love because she wrapped the pain of my first love in with hers, so she could bear it all
14, 15
we haven't seen her in a few years, haven't spoken
and all i would like to do is tell her of this boy i think i love
so we can lay in her bed and talk about it at midnight
so i can dance with the memory of my dead sister
feeling a glimpse of her touch on my hand, feel her love slip away again
her betrayal hit me with a ton of bricks, smashing my face in with all the colors on my wall that represent the days we were apart
and i was the only person missing someone

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