Who am I?

Look, I know who I’m not

I’m not some hot shot, not a cheerleader, not one of those students that acts like a teacher, not a nerd, I think all these cliques are absurd

Where do I fit in?

Do I have to? Is it now a sin if I don’t belong to one category?

I know it sounds like one of those pathetic stories

Where the girl wants in but doesn’t fit the requirement

But trust me, I don’t want to be bent to fit into their world

I can’t see how all these stereotypes are beneficial

All I want is a fistful of reality, of true selves

No more dwelling on these clichés

How do I realize what represents my true self

And where everything else came from?

I’m not a rebel and I’m not gonna settle for one of these labels

I feel like I’m not stable

This big question mark floats above me

Because have no special spark

Time to clear away the fog in the mirror

And make my reflection a little bit clearer

***

So hard to focus solely on the present

Maybe it’s because I’m an adolescent

Always looking towards being older

When I can be bolder

No need to bury

Any care or worry

Loosen the seams

Less rules surround my dreams

Always see the unknown but then turn away

Cuz I’m lazy

Wanna play it safely

Do the same thing

Stay in my known ring

But I miss certain windows or doors

And the present remains a bore

So I look to the future

Watching opportunities pass by until there are fewer and fewer

My expectations are so high for tomorrow

They make me blind to the possibilities that lay in the present day

Yesterday is also a frightening word

Always sends a surge of guilt or shame

Dead weights behind me

Future and past combined

Today is a gift

Only if you can sift through to find the positive

If our life is a path

How can we craft

The choice of our direction

If we’re too busy looking at our own projections

Of whatever is after the option

That’s probably why it’s so common

That we regret our decisions

And are driven with longing to the past

Wishing we had one more chance

To choose a different way to advance

Cuz everyday not spent in the moment

Means you’ve blown it

You’ve lost your chance

To simply enjoy life

***

All I want is an identity – one that actually fits me

Instead of these secret “acts,” or shells

That everyone uses to protect themselves

Even now I’m breaking the unspoken agreement

That we don’t bring up that secret

We use these covers to feel safe

But is it really worth it to fake it?

The worst thing would be to die and not know your identity

Not know what’s really you and what’s really me

What if death happens so fast that there’s no time to face the task of uncovering who you are?

Is that what your life flashed before your eyes means?

Like a huge splash of reality

I can’t bear the weight on my shoulders

Life gets so much colder

When the warmth fueled by ignorance and bliss

Doesn’t exist

***

Why did we want to grow up?

Thought we were so tough

So ready to live an adult life

Thoughts its bark would be worse than its bite

With no hesitation we dived in

And now we can barely swim

Drowning in what we thought would be our fairytale

Now the only thing we’d like to do is set sail

To find a real happily ever after

Replace sobs with laughter

Why did they fill our heads with movies and books and rhymes?

When all those ever did was lie

***

Everything’s got a purpose

Yeah, what I thought before I was dropped into this abyss

A dark hole where all comfort is stolen

I’m alone in my confusion as I realize that I created my own illusion

My bones, my joints, my brain all work to create me

But what’s driving me insane is that I don’t know why

There are so many people on this globe

So hard not to mope about my insignificance, my meager impact

Even now I can’t think past my own self or a task outside of my own life

But then, I remember the people, the things that impacted me

And the thought leaves a crack in my selfish cage

I obtain my freedom with the ability to see that who we are doesn’t leave any scars

But the choices we make

The risks we take

The memories we save

The things we throw away

Our actions everyday

Are what our influence on the world consists of

The prints we leave behind

What we sign our name by is more important than the distorted adventure to find

Who we are

Cuz when your body is bent with age, and you leave

What you achieve

Is the only thing still here