Picking up my phone thinking that's that.

Wish to hear something that won't give me a heart attack.

My older brother is having a little trouble

while my momma can't sleep and won't go outside her bubble.

I ran to the church down the street.

Felt nothing but my tears and my heart being beat.

Don't even notice the hypothermia on my hand, but yells to the wind that I need a normal dad.

I'm not like those kids on the daily basis.

You see my mind here?

It takes me places.

From the cries in my closet bout the empty deposit.

I should've known.

I should've known about the bike that I wanted for my birthday

or the fear to stand up never made me really worthy.

I shoulda known.

My father said "Things will get better baby girl.

Give it four more months and I'll be back in your world."  

I believed all of that bull shit.

He made love sound so true.

But all I know now is that the blame was all on you.

So thank you for your absence, it made me me today.

Nine years gone and I'm really all okay.

I'm sorry that your lies never came out to be true.

I'm sorry that my father couldn't turn out to be you.