I'm sitting here, and

asking her if she's okay, but I'm not looking at her

My eyes are looking past her, and

my mind is elsewhere

She's so angelic ,and 

I'm so powerless  

All I can do is smile faintly 

My heart gets heavy when I think of him

yet I try to exist without the 

thought of ever being able to feel his touch ,and 

hear his words and it's killing me ,but 

I know I've faced death many times before ,and 

I've won and I just want to...I just want to forget

Raw, bear, naked.

I've never felt so exposed in my life

My body is emitting so much pain and confusion

It's all pouring out of my body like poison 

She said sorry G and I said it's okay without looking at her

I hug her close to me because that physical contact is all I have,

true ,pure and so innocent

I'm afraid I'll never feel anything again 

so I hold her close to me ,and 

whisper it's okay to her until she wiggles out of my arms ,and 

goes back under the table to play ,and I'm left alone, 

left alone to pounder upon my sins

I find myself guilty of any treason I might be found of

My eyes are tired, and 

I struggle to keep it open

I don't want anyone to see my bare, 

bruised black heart, like they can see my nakedness

So I smile ,and laugh ,and 

go back into the closet

It's all I've ever known

If no one expected me to be happy, what would I be then

If I could be myself, who would I be

What would I be like

What would I look like

How would I react or threat others

Who am I

Who do I want to be

Who do you want me to be