What I Really Am.

You see a teenager. Day to day, smiling awkwardly at those who pass.
I see a little girl. Sitting all alone, trying to hide her face from those who look upon her.
You see a senior, attending classes, not paying attention.
I see a student, crammed in a room with other kids who know more than her.
You think I wont make it past this year.
I see myself going further than this.

They get angry when she hides her face or emotions. 
She is just frightened by all of the doubt and those who make her feel insecure.
They look at her with soft, kind eyes. But if they saw her how she sees herself they would frown at her.
Tell her she doesn't need to feel how she does about herself. Then turn around and continue to judge and treat her how they always have.

I hide in this plastic casing of a human because I can't feel their words and judgemental stares poke at my raw and true flesh from here. But when I let my guard down, it all feels like 1,000 sharp knives being pressed against me. Against my self asteem. 
Their negative tones, harsh words. Im pushed to the edge of insanity and despair. 
They call me a baby and make jokes about cutting or hurting myself.
They laugh it off and I laugh along with them.
But on the inside i'm crying.

Why couldn't i have been born smart, beautiful and funny?
Why was I brought into a world where i would be poked at and made a subject of cruel humor?
I have to hide myself so that I don't get hurt. But their words are already creeping their way under my skin. Clawing at me, pulling my strings.
I cannot leave one inch of myself exposed. 


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