My wrist burned as he held my arm tight, his thumb digging into my bone.
“You know I can’t control how jealous I get.”
Words ringing in my ears like the wedding bells I wish I had run from.
Trapped, fading, in a marriage doomed, I swallowed my fear.
Coming home, entering the den to see the bodies of our love draped across the floor, I wept.
“You know I can’t control it, I just love you so much.”
The cry rose in my throat, passing my heart as it bled, splitting in two and falling.
“Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” he said, pressing my breath further into the floor, muffling my sorrow, until I could breathe no more.
Lightening struck and our life was destroyed, the bonds of wedlock, tearing apart.
No longer the “good wife” obeying the husband, I refused his apologies firmly.
“You don’t have to be such a cunt.” he said, after I denied his sexual advances.
He just loved me “so much”.
Days to months, tears to laughter, rain to shine
My teeth felt better since I stopped grinding them once the fear had left.
The bed was warmer with two bodies minus one.
I was finally, for once, content.
I met him a year ago, officially, my truest love.
We ate sushi, spoke of our hearts dreams, and walked around for hours.
His hands gentle, and heart soft, and his eyes noble like the forest grounds.
The actions from him saying without saying “I love you.”
He listens when I say “Please, no, that hurts me.” and he stops.
He listens when I say “I’m anxious and don’t understand.” and he stays with me.
He holds me when loud noises turn me into a rocking ball on the floor, sobbing in fear.
He coos me, he respects my heart, and he respects my limits.
He doesn’t heckle me, or push my buttons.
He doesn’t become fraught with jealousy.
He is polite, and thoughtful.
He is a love most dreamy.
True love is not this Hollywood facade of everlasting passion and obsession.
True love is best friends, communicating, and cooling down before continuing to argue.
True love is a love that feels safe, no eggs to be walked on.
True love is adoring, kind, and without resentment.
I’m so glad to be free of those shackles, as I hear the wedding bells fade.
I can walk forward knowing, it’s the best choice I made.