wake up

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:02 -- Josalyn
wake up
the 5:30 am alarm bell rings
pulling me out of yet another
dead deep sleep
some people say it’s unhealthy to run on
only three hours of sleep per day but
I say ‘fuck the non-believers’ 
like a Neverland fairy with a death wish
wake up
dragging myself up and up
out of bed and out of comfort into
the cold of a new day
I know I’ve got AP classes and
about three headaches and maybe
even a complete mental breakdown to look 
forward to- hip hip hooray, high school
wake up
I get to school an hour early
every morning in order to do the
homework i couldn’t get to by 2 am
Every moment of my life is spent
worrying about the last test i took
and the next test i will take, even
dreaming about failing at night
wake up
The teachers drill the same facts
into our heads over and over like
quantum mechanics can cure depression
I’ve got purple painted under my eyes
that only gets deeper and darker, like
war paint that I haven’t washed off in
four years because the battle never ended
Wake up!
Fingers typing mechanically,
repetitive work we can do without thinking
or feeling or analyzing, silence
Honesty is a privilege I can’t remember 
having anymore, taking shortcuts 
anywhere and everywhere I can
just to make a good grade
Wake UP
I’ve been in zombie mode for too long,
like a video game with a glitch that
not even geeks can fix anymore
If I tell the teachers I make honor roll
will they ignore that dead look in my eyes
the scars on my hands and wrists,
the emptiness of someone who wants to die
WakE UP!
We are told over and over again
that if we fail anything, that
will be the end of all happiness
The teachers reduce us to the 
smallest possible fractions of ourselves
because that little bit will look good 
on a college application
I can honestly say I can’t remember
the last time I had a good time
without worrying about EVERYTHING
The profits of the schools now outrank the
intelligence levels of the graduates and
the only thing that really matters on
an application is a rich name
wake up
Drifting off in the early hours,
falling asleep on a pile of homework
that is only half done
School is a battle-ground I can’t handle,
I’ve got my settings on auto-pilot.
I used to go to sleep hoping the past years
had all been a terrible nightmare.
But if this is my nightmare what is my reality…
I’m not sure if I want to wake up


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