Voice on Paper

I grew up, my voice unheard
Quiet and invisible I would live my life.
My thoughts, my dreams, all unspoken words
Twisting in the depths of my mind like a knife.

I grew up, as a disabled child.
Being told I could never be all I wanted to be.
To people, my voice was like the worst type of bile,
And was better to be silenced, to never be free.

I grew up, always being mocked.
And when I wasn't, I was isolated.
Inside the school doors, my spirit was locked
With the beasts that my heart, they hated.

I grew up, my voice unclear
Never given a chance to truly try
My heart turned to stone, I wouldn't shed a tear
Of the gift of voice, I would let it die.

I grew up, cold and hard.
Never letting anyone close.
The girl in the mirror was nothing but a shard
And the me I envisioned, a ghost.

I grew up, a shattered piece of glass,
But on the outside, no one could tell
A shadow in the world of mass
Quiet in my little world of hell.

I grew up, one day I went crazy,
My mask fell to the ground
I can't tell you much, the memory's hazy,
I became a prisoner, to violence I was bound.

I grew up, I was put away.
In a place where I was told I was supposed to be
A place cruel, far too cruel for me to even say,
A place I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I grew up, my voice grew
I couldn't hold it anymore,
That place that tried to silence me, their plan ran askew
I learned what speaking was for.

I grew up, I found God
Hidden in the darkness of that place
It was Him that held me as I cried,
Him that gave me a new face.

I grew up, I became healed,
Something that wasn't possible for me
My true self was released, the shadow sealed,
For the first time, my dreams were free.

I grew up, I struggled and fought,
Trying to find my voice.
I sang, I acted, but my song was cut
Those were never a real choice.

I found writing one day
In an old classroom where all were gone.
The sun peeked in from the windows at bay,
And though I was by myself, I wasn't alone.

I was crying that day,I remember it well,
Though I was healed I was still hurt
Because classmates had not stopped being the torturers of my hell
And the wall was kept up around my heart.

And in the silence of the room,
There was a small notebook with blank paper
Never would I dream that in my gloom
That God would send this to be my savior.

The words sprang forth on their own,
I could hardly keep up
All the emotions I could never atone
And instead kept bottled up.

For fourteen years I had lived in silence
The words wrenched in my mind
On the paper my voice screamed in delight
On the paper, my mouth could open wide.

I sang, I shouted, I screamed out in pain
Exhumed by this new found release
Both excited and frightened by the euphoria of my brain
And the words that would not cease

How many pages did I fill that day?
I still can't remember
But oh the emotions, oh the words I sang!
Growing steadily like an ember.

I call it an ember because like a fire
This addiction to the paper grew fast
My words unheard, my innate desire
All the resentment of my past

I grew up, I grew with the paper
Like a song that never ended
Ever growing, ever reaching
My words would never be suspended.

This voice on paper I grew to love,
And soon I loved to speak
God had used writing to make me strong
And cleanse what once was weak.

Now I can speak, without any fear,
Of retribution or spite
My gift was established, my purpose was finally here
I would cling to it with all my life.

My life began those years ago,
I was reborn when I was fourteen
My voice became joy out of sorrow
Thanks to the God that rescued me.

He gave me a gift that only a few have
A voice that can be fully heard on paper
I grew up, I grew out of my wall and broke it down
Now I use this gift for others.

All the words that you read here
Started as a voice on a piece of paper in my fourteenth year.