Every time I close my eyes I see her, that little girl, that poor innocent little girl, who looked at this cruel and crookedly twisted world with such childlike awe and wonder never even thought of the evil that makes it home never knew that it was a hellscape, she was oblivious to all the twistedly crooked up around her, didn’t see the abuse inflicted all around her, she didn’t see the bad in people, never even thought of the evil they could do if they wanted to, didn’t comprehend how vulnerable, how defenseless we where back then, just how helpless we really were she believed she could take on the world as long as I was by her side, and I was foolish enough to go along with it, maybe if I had warned her that that was not a realistic view on things, she would still be here today, just maybe if I had the courage to crush her dreams I could have saved her that fateful day when everything went to hell, when the walls that made up the little shelter I had to keep me from losing held together by her she was what stopped me from losing my cool, because I would soon rather die than let her se me in such a state of unbridled rage, but that little safe haven I had come to call my home with her by my side, back when I had everything I ever wanted, back when I didn’t need to be medicated to be able to act normal, back when I had no need to take sedatives to keep control of my rage, but that all when down the drain the day I lost here I lost all that I had, she was everything to me, I would have chose to lose anything else even my own life it meant she was safe, but that’s not how life works, and on that fateful day when my world fell apart and everything began its tumble into the depths of hell, the day she was ripped away so violently, if I had just told her that it was not possible to take on the world just by ourselves, especially when we were so young, if I had the courage to crush those dreams of hers maybe she would be alive today, the little girl that I worked so hard to keep safe from the bad side of society, to keep free from the clutches of the twisted gnarled version of life, the one that all evil calls it’s home, down on malevolence road, and abhorrent drive with their homes made out of shapeless shadows, windows showcase the formless monsters that hide within that villainous neighborhood, that that evil crooked gated community, welcoming anyone enough in as if they where life long friends, birds of a feather flock together, the side of life I tried so desperately tried to hide from her pure and innocent eyes, to keep her optimistic outlook on life together as long as possible, to keep her safe, but in the end my attempt to save her is what did her in, because my actions left her oblivious to the violence people are capable of, if I had just told her that what she so desperately dreamed and wished of, her desire to take on the world with me hand in hand, side by side till the, was a fervor’s unrealistic fantasy would still be here with me and we could have still travelled our way through life together, hand in hand like we did back then, but my ignorance to the fact that knowledge of the evil life holds as residents is what keeps us alive because their always people who will go towards the light, instead of that dark and twisted community of monsters hidden behind masks of normality, maybe if I had just informed her of the evil the world held she would still be here alive, and wouldn’t have taken her final breath watching a lead pipe as it came down on her head and caved it in, her candle blown out so easily, that lively girl I had come to hold so close in the time we spent together I would even say that I loved her, was ripped away from me, brutally torn away from me, and smothered in a flurry of fury fueled blows from that the evil side of life, that girl I had come to love so much, had been killed right before my eye, my will to live, my trust in society, my belief in anyone, my ability to trust anyone was shattered broken like a vase thrown at a wall, no amount of glue, or tape could fix it, the wound it left on me still bleeds profusely never stopping its rapid flow of hatred, disgust, and spite for humanity, I’ve always carried with me even to today, just hidden from the eyes of society by the lifeless eyes that now take place of my once joyful face, my smile was lost the day she was torn away from me, my ability to trust society died along with her, taken to the crematory, and incinerated along with what I loved with all my being, so you could say I died along with her, I have not a single reason to continue living for any other reason than to make sur that nothing like that happens while I have the ability to prevent this, my inhibition, in my incapability to feel compassion for anyone has long since taken its hold in my soul, the idea of love is the equivalent to a crackheads fever dream conspiracy theories, so I walk this route away from the mainstream road of life packed, to the point of going boom, bursting at the seams, an obnoxious, needless obstacles that I choose to avoid whenever possible, so I take the road that no-one knows the one that only has one commuter in its life in obscurity and that is me, I walk this cold road alone, because I don’t have the energy in me to continue that lie, that I’m normal, its impossible to keep that extraordinarily ordinary, disguise that hides the torment that is being inflicted inside the guilt, that tears away at me, shredding the walls of its cage held back by suppressing the memories keeping it weak enough for the walls to hold, but now the doors that held them back have been blown off their hinges and now the rage and distain, is coming back to me, in waves, my disgust, the sedatives can only do so much, but they can’t do nothing when people start poking the sleeping bear, taunting daring it to do something  mistake that they will regret surely because I no longer believe in mercy because that girl that died so long ago because of my attempts of sheltering her from the storm of life, left her oblivious to its danger when I wasn’t their right by her side to cover her from the hail that comes down, to cover her ears, so she can hide her eyes as the lightning flashes, and the thunders releases its thunderous, booming roar, leaving me dazed and my ears ringing, when she needed me most, when my presence was the savior she needed, I was not there, I failed to protect her, I failed, if I had just been right there by her side like I said I always would, if I hadn’t gotten so complacent, if I hadn’t let my guard down that girl I loved so long ago would still be here, but I failed thanks to my complacency, my greatest failure, my grandest blunder one that shattered and broke me from within, a fatal blow to me, all its damage hidden on the outside the only sign that it even happened, my only reminder is the crack that goes down my forehead, the scar that reminds me that I’m just a failure that I don’t deserve to live nor am I worthy to die, so I set out on this mission all on my own, because the one I promised to walk this road with hand in hand side by side is dead, so I walk through life as a husk of what was, a wraith going through the motions, an imitation of living, a lie I came up with to protect myself from harming those around me, and keeping me from hurting them in my twisted attempts to protect them, so I closed down the road leading to my heart, leaving me a cold, emotionless shell, an impression that barely resembles what was the original, a sad attempt to hide the damage, the gaping wound in my soul that has not healed, it still bleed as profusely as the day it was inflicted on me, the day she died, the day I died, the day that my will to live to walk this earth was stolen and broken by carless hands that have no shame no guilt for their heinous acts, not even a second thought when they brought that lead pipe down and shattered everything that I lived for, the only thing keeping me together, the only reason I was happy, so now I walk this world alone as an emissary of rage and hatred, under the guise of a boring, featureless, man that holds no outside uniqueness but holds a hell inside that will instill nightmares in anyone that takes a peek, if they saw the things I’ve seen they’d never be the same they’d curl up in a ball a cry for their parents, if they’ve seen the hell, the pain the torture inflicted upon me in the unbearable years I’ve lived, why all I see is the bad in people, why I never look on the bright side of things why I’d rather be alone than with friends, it would become so obviously plain even a complete idiotic with only two braincell to his name could see it, so that is why I don’t place trust in no one, why I don’t let anyone close to me, why I don’t let people in, why I slam the door to my mind, my personal thoughts in their face, I’ve got a million and one reasons why I am this way and I’ll give you every one if your too stubborn or ignorant to believe it, I died the same day she did, I was left without a reason to live, without a will go on, she was everything thing, Virginia meant everything, and I don’t feel as tough its right for me to enjoy life without her, when we promised each other we travel through life hand in hand till the day we met our ends, so I feel that if I went through life completely forgetting he that I would be disrespecting her memory and our promise if I went on ad lived a happy life with out her hand in mine, side by side, how can I live with glee if I lost the one who meant everything to me, so how can I live happily.