Eighteen percent of high school teens have reported being abused in their relationships,

Come college it turns to twenty

  When I was seven, my police -officer Mother told me that no one could touch me without my consent.

 

I)              When you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,

        you’re going to believe them,

Taylor Swift could not be more accurate.

At first, storybook lovers,  high school sweet hearts

Attached at the hip

He came to my basketball games

Taped ice on my  tired, overworked , undernourished knees

And laughed with me as I waddled back to the bleachers.

 

When you’re fifteen and somebody tells they love you

You’re gonna believe them.

I thought he did,

I believed that he did when I couldn’t love myself

Helping me to eat when the big scary monster in my head was telling me I didn’t deserve to

To cope when the doctors at treatment made the called an end to my season

To me this was a damn good reason to believe…

I needed to believe in something

 

He loves me, He loves me not

He loves me, He loves me not.

He loves me….?

 

II) You paint the picture that love is purely physical

Always do or die

Reaching for my body more and more I fell for your lies

 Playing my sexuality like drum, every color of the rainbow,

Like I can make you straight, bisexuality love is fluid

That shit ain’t real anyway

 

You never raised your hand but you raised your voice

Telling me by your actions I did not have a choice

Dictating, manipulating my actions

Taking what you wanted and leaving me with nothing

Naked and Afraid, Fear and trembling

Ain’t got nothing for rape kit

But I knew I had been violated

 

III) According to my book on neurosurgery,

The surface of our brains cannot feel

But when we encounter trauma our memories are fragmented

We must relive, reprocess, rebuild

The very organ of our livelihood

 

IV) Fuck you, I have survived and you will not silence me

I don’t cry when I talk about you anymore

My face goes dark

And inside I am dancing because I am free

 

V) You cannot have sunshine without a little rain

Even though certain places, noises and sensations

Remind me of you and what you put me through

Cause me to fight flee freeze or fawn

Cause me to cry until I cannot breath,

Assume the fetal position,

Shake uncontrollably,

Need to sleep with the lights on and the doors wide open

I do because I live proudly as a survivor

Tears remind me I’m alive and Sensations bring