I can't help but feel the pain,
The excruciating never ending pain.
A single tear left my eye
And that was our final goodbye.
People say that grief is easy to get through,
But what if it has me beat?
What if it has me finally at my knees?
What if grief had me begging for ease?
What if I never get over the fact that we can't swim?
What if grief had me to a point where I can't get a win?
What if that sport I was in turned grim?
What if I couldn't stay afloat or even leave home?
I told myself that this would happen,
That you would leave.
Under no circumstance did I even believe.
I will never forget the memories we shared,
Or even how much you cared.
I looked silently to the heavens and yelled out my prayer:
"God, please save him."
"God, please heal him now."
"He's stronger than me, he has got this."
"Just hear my plea."
As I closed my eyes
I woke up to a compromise:
"God, take me not him."
"Please God, this is all I wish."
The day before I swear in,
My father pulls me to the side and pulls me in.
What if grief were to overcome me?
What if grief makes me go dumb?
I try to hold my head up
Just like a little pup.
Now I'm swimming,
because we're both winning.