do they know?

do they know how their words hurt?

do they realize, i wonder, how it feels?

being beaten by words

words of those who apparently loved me

led to being beaten by thoughts

until eventually

i'm  beaten by my own hands

they say your body is a safe place

ive been told my whole life 

and yet

my fingers still itch for the blade

my skin still itches where i've drawn

in that red ink

i imagine all their words 

drowning inside the red sea

i hope those words drown

the words of un-acceptance 

the words of mockery

the words of hatred

they were words that began as seeds

planted in my mind

but then they grew

they grew into great red drops

pouring out of my sides

and for a while

that was enough

enough to keep me sane

and enough to keep me here

but then i want more

because as the words keep coming

i want the blood to keep pouring

and the thoughts i was numb to

begin to beat me again

before, they spoke softly

repeating what others said

making me believe them

now they speak loudly

they want me to hear them

my thoughts speak of ends

of plans

because if they can't accept me

for who i am

then why should i

and once again, i ponder

do they know?

do they know how their words hurt?

do they realize, i wonder, how it feels?

they will be the ones wondering

how it feels

when i am no longer here