The last time was the last time. 

The threat was planted. 

Now I hold my breath instead of breathe,

Silent tears when I want to scream. 

Bite my lip until it bleeds -

Rather that than my heart. 

 

Forever my light. 

I thought. 

Now it seems the darkness only becomes darker. 

Tunnel vision? 

Maybe, but where is my light? 

 

I saw it just the other day... 

Just a glimpse... 

It was gone so fast, 

Perhaps it wasn’t my light, but a shooting star. 

 

That must be it. 

I wished too hard. 

It’s not coming back. 

I never make wishes anymore. 

Too risky, 

Too much expectation, 

Too many hopes. 

 

I swallow my pain,

Hold back my tears,

Silence my voice,

But still my mind wanders. 

How far? 

I don’t know, 

But too far for my heart to bare. 

It hurts so much. 

 

Ouch! There is goes again. 

I really need a leash for it. 

I can’t let it go astray. 

Who knows where it’ll end up. 

 

Should I follow it? 

Let my mind go and follow it?

Yes. 

I’ll feel better. 

No.

It hurts. 

Yes. 

Mental freedom!

No. 

Broken heart. 

 

It’s not worth it. 

I can’t. 

 

So instead I hide my emotions 

In the silence that is 

Muffled sobs into a pillow 

Biting my lip so no noise escapes. 

If it can’t be heard, 

It’s not happening. 

Right? 

 

Maybe one day, 

My light will come back. 

Until then, 

Silence is my refuge,

And darkness is my only friend.