The Trick to Being Shameless
Location
The trick to being shameless
that is, letting go of shame
doubt seeded in your heart waiting
to grow with every sunrise
is to cast it out for the scrutiny
of faceless strangers – necessity for me
and I confess to thoughtless cruelty
age 9, hot water poured over our pet cat
but I cannot speak
Angry thought
I could never love someone like you
and predatory urges as I steal gas money
from my little brother’s wallet or
on the hunt, find Mom’s weed
the surge of disgust as a man brushes
against me in a sticker shop, then again
but I cannot speak
The destruction – how I longed
to carve claw marks over my eyes
if I can’t be beautiful then at least
I can make them look
or sing my body electric, my old mentor
loading my arms with Whitman and Oliver
how can I forgive her
for changing my life
The fear in sinking into the old
couch with an eternity bitten in my wrist
and I tell her of vertigo on the cliff
everyone is afraid of how much
they want to jump
never told her how I planned
to grab my girlfriend’s hand
so we could fall together
of this, I cannot speak
I should abandon the doubt
scrabbling with veritaphobia in my throat
if I ever deemed to open up
words would drop from my mouth, crystalline
and so, I write