time on the clock

Location

time on the clock

i breathe in

*tic toc*

and it occurs to me

*tic toc*

i've been waiting for this moment

*tic toc*

for...

*tic toc*

1871 days now

*laughs*

i didnt do it for my mom

*shrieks*

i didnt do it for my dad

*screams*

i sure as hell didnt do it for my brothers

*cries*

i did it for me.

*tic toc*

my nails scratching into my skin make the most sweetests of sounds

*tic toc*

the feeling of pain

*tic toc*

trying to numb the feeling of sadness

*anxiety*

i couldnt go through with it

*pathetic*

year one 

*tic toc*

only 

*tic*

5 more 

*toc*

to go

*shrieks*

looking into his eyes

*tic toc*

made me feel like i wasnt a prisoner

 *tic toc*

i was stupid 

*tic toc*

and young

*tic toc*

"but i love him!"

*stupid*

"how will i ever get over him..."

*regretful*

year two

*tic toc*

only

*tic*

4 more

*toc*

to go

*screams*

drunk with sleep

*tic toc*

i look at the clock

*tic toc*

one more hour 

*tic toc*

until school

*tic toc*

"i have to do well..."

*angry*

"i just have to...*

*hope*

with eyes filled with...

*tic toc*

anticipation 

*tic toc*

i look down at my paper

*toc toc*

i failed

*tic toc*

year three

*tic toc*

only

*tic*

3 more

*toc*

to go

*cries*

what?

*tic toc*

I cant hear you

*tic toc*

mom...

*tic toc*

I have a lump

*tic toc* 

and it hurts

*tic toc*

"yes... i have a history of cancer, 

*tic toc*

In my family..."

*tic toc*

"i have a chance of being paralyzed"

*tic toc*

"yes, i'll take my chances..."

*tic toc*

looking at my reflection

*disgusting*

i wear scarfs

*tic toc*

to hide the shame

*coward*

year four

*tic toc*

only

*tic*

2 more

*toc*

to go 

*shrieks*

I look different

*tic toc*

but the same

*tic toc*

I need to do better

*tic toc*

I need to get out of here

*tic toc*

late nights

*tic toc*

I fell in love

*phone vibrates*

"you love me...

*tic toc*

right?"

*tic toc*

I need to stay focused

*tic toc*

late nights

*yawn*

Not for him

*phone buzzing*

but for me

*tic toc*

i look down at my report card

*tic toc*

i passed

*joy*

"babe, do you think...

*tic toc*

we're  going to last after high school?"

*fear*

he responds

*tic toc*

no.

*tic toc*

year five

*tic toc*

only

*tic*

1 more

*toc*

to go

*screams*

"i'm almost there and its like the air coming out of this fan

i can feel it, i can hear it, and its like i can see it... but i cant grasp it...

its not tangible, i feel scared. i look at the Time On The Clock... i have a few months. 

i need to get into this college, its all i could ever want, its as if this one specfic door

opened up for me, and i need to walk through. i cant fail, i just cant...

year five 

1 more to go

and i cant stop hearing

the tic toc 

im so close 

*proud* 

i know i did it all for me

*laughs*

 

 

 

 

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741