In Time

To whoever gets a chance to read this:

 

I’ve spent so much time conforming and molding my mind to look just like the person next to me and in that time, I’ve made my mind so vastly different I can’t even recognize it.

They sit there, looking ahead at the teacher and I sit here trying to breathe, I wonder if they can hear my thoughts yelling they way I have all these years, and the my palms begin to sweat.

The teacher calls my name and I look at him in fear, I think “Oh no, can he hear them too.”

 

I’ve spent so much time trying to look like my neighbor across the street, and in time I have forgotten what it’s like to dress myself.

I look in the mirror every morning and night, heck I look in the mirror every chance that I get because that’s what every kid does, right?

My mom tells me to stop being conceited and I blush, I think “Oh if only you had known.”

 

I’ve spent so much time reaching for my parents approval and trying to touch the limits they have set for me, and in that time, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.

Gee, thanks mom and dad for belittling my worth down to a mere list of achievements even though everyone else says “You are more than just a number.”

I think, “but if your parents created you to beat a statistic, what are you then.”

 

You see,

 

Here’s the thing about me, I’ve spent my whole life,

 

Conforming

Molding

Trying

Reaching

 

And it’s led me to,

 

Unrecognizability and

Forgetting.

 

Some days all I hear are the voices in my head, scolding me for wanting to become like them and most of the time I’m not even sure who them are.

 

I’ve spent most of my time trying to be something that not, becoming someone who I don’t want to become. And in that time, I have learned to accept myself for who I am.

Some days I still stop and think “What if I was more like her and less like me”

But I know, more of me is good.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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