I can feel my heart palpitating in my throat, my hands start to shake, cold sweat starts to break on my pale flesh. I toss and turn short of breath, drowning in fear and sorrow.

My anxiety mounts me again but you never understoond that.

Neither of you did.

You never understood my fear of others.

You never understood my fear of the outside.

You never understood my mood swings.

Why I was angry yesterday and regretful today.

You never understood why I felt so alone even when we were together.

You never understood why I wanted attention, but also wanted to be left alone.

I never understood how you could love someone with clinical depression

but when it came to me

I was a burdon.

I never understood how all the promises of longevity friendship and promises to overcome turmoils

could be thrown away so easily.

I never understood why you suddenly started to hate me and only love each other.

I never understood why you who I called "my sisters" abandoned me.

I never understood why that doesn't bother me.