Dear Grandma,

I'm doing fine. Thanks.

How are you?

...

How long has it been since I last wrote?

Couple weeks. yeah.

...

huh?

...

Like really wrote?

Well. I'd say

3 years.

...

But we both know I don't like to talk about that.

...

You know exactly what.

...

Please don't remind me.

Not after 3 years of

healing

and attempted supression

and endless kneeling

to God to medicate the depression.

...

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long.

Is this my price of admission then?

To talk to you? 

...

I'm not being over dramatic.

Just please don't make me go back.

To the time when seeing my parents kiss made me sick

When you'd listen to my heart 

there was no thud 

but a crack

....

Dear stupid boy,

I was an idiot

who knew the truth

but since seeing your face

suddenly believed in love at first sight.

I could recite Shakespeare

and with your name wild wasps stung my stomach

and could defibrilate an already beating heart.

I was so happy before you.

So.

But with your allure came cowardly carnage

And as there is beauty in tragedy 

So is there tragedy in beauty.

You noticed me for a second

I noticed you for a year

1:31536000

We were nothing

never anything.

And after all of it

I still went home and cried into my pillow

over an adulterer who would never love me back.

....

Dear Friend,

If I could go back in time and say to you

I'm going to fight you for you

I would.

But we were sawn apart

by my apathy 

and your anger.

It takes two hands for pulling

and pushing. 

You starred in so many of my dreams 

For years I'd wake up and wonder how far away into the future 

I had saw. 

....

So many letters, grandma.

I wrote so many letters to them

both.

Not a damn one read by anyone

other than the author and The Creator.

All sent and mailed directly to Hell. 

I dont remember when I stopped or what the last one said.

...

No. Not him at least.

My friend is that yet again!

But he never became anything.

Not even a faint but simple memory

of a boy I once had my heart broken by.

Sweet but naive and careless like all the rest.

Almost innocent.

Not Quite though.

He's a joke now.

A punchline my friends tell.

...

Not everything ends "Happily Ever After", grandma.

...

I know you know that.

still.

...

I'll tell them you said "hi"

...

I love you too

...

Until then,

your granddaughter