Thoughts are faster than bullets
War was never my friend
it is a dispute I do not understand
It almost brought me to my end
Who are you brother
We look fairly the same
our skin tone is different
and you are on my aim
I will not pull the trigger
I will not take you down
For we are the same brother
not from the same street, nor the same town
yet I feel we are both human on the edge of a breakdown
Why do you do this brother
we were created equally, we were the same
its a dispute, that will eventually fade
but a;; I see in front of me, is a child with a grenade
Forgive me brother
Although we are the same
the gunshots were fired
from the muzzle of inflame
I’m a young boy
that is eligible to kill
but not to ask why you dont deserve free will
Comments
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MVP-Most Valuable Poet
this poem sends a msg about the importance of gun violence
violence has no color other than red
you vividly describe the affect of gun violence to communities, familes, and friends
it is essential to not only resonate the importance of ending gun violence
but come together as a community
you vividly provided a descriptive perspective on people killing one another
let's end gun violence
great job and keep writing
thisispoetryproject
Each time I reread your poem, the picture you've given me becomes clearer. A young man, maybe mid to early twenties, is in the midst of a war zone (maybe Afghanistan or Iraq). The majority of the poem sounds like the thoughts of this soldier preceding his delivery of a fatal shot to another young man.
Your words are anything but shallow and as you lay your heart bare with each syllable the emotions this soldier is experiencing are compounded. I really feel this.
Everyone has room for improvement, however. Often times, the poetry or novel with the most imagery wins the publics interest because we all love to engross ourselves in an enthralling story. What you've done here is create an enthralling story and if you add the imagery, I believe, your poetry is destined for greatness.
Imagery, by definition, is a mental image-- the picture that one paints through words. Imagery is used every day in giving directions, describing an experience to friends, and even in studying when students mentally attach a new concept to something already learned.
An example:
You said: "You are in my aim"
Imagery (if this setting is a desert): "My crosshair is gently tracing the beads of sweat on your forehead"
Don't be afraid that your poem might become too long if you add concise descriptions! After all, poetry, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.
Overall, this is an awesome and heartfelt poem with an extraordinary meaning! Thank you for sharing! :)