To Those Whom I Have Failed
Location
To those whom I have failed
For the three minutes I have
To speak words left unsaid
Forgotten
Then draped like a vestige
From my latest nightmares
I request
Every assuming thought
Every collective anecdote
About me
Erase it
For the three minutes I have
I do not want to waste
Know
I never crave charity
Or ever-need pity
I do not give charity
As motivation for a return
I come to the aid of others
Not out of pity
Never do I pity
With the most indulgent words I know
And my cherishables left to have
I would have been there anyways
If you would have given me that chance
The imponderable reason is
I aim to connect
In my weird antics
In strange ways
Whichever
To a great extent
I always hope I do
However
I pale when there is always a person
That serves my romanticized purpose
That is everything I'm not
It is disheartening in its right
Because relationships--in all its teem of glory
Bounds a nymphal maiden with chains and an anchor
For each insufferable word feels like I am recovering a hurt I cast into a deep blue sea long ago
Suppose this is never new
Rapt emotions like despair are easy to come upon
Especially when magnifying faults
Expose its ugly form
All too often
A dilatory need of personable attention
The expressive want to be seen as independent
Leads to a misconception
I do despise
I am unfeeling
Vulnerability
The solution…
A lost capability
Too often I forget to state
Behind a smiling face and a lazy tongue
A throat too dry and dismissive words
I am a person too
Suppose...no one ever knew
Considering a plastered persona clings to my side
Caked with foundation so never to be called two-faced
Or teased for the illusion I have complied
To be a perfect friend
To be a perfect lover
To be a perfect acquaintance
To be a perfect enemy
Whatever is needed of me…
Merely to disappoint
So forgotten here in darkness
Alone, in a brilliant grave
Buried with small riches as I slowly decay
Behind darkened lids
And a fitful brain
Set nicely against my last comfort
And the lessons in my life
Eluding me somehow
In a vacuum of a world I know I will not survive
Evaporating a fantasy like mine
As the answers await between my personal failures
and the success of my friends
To those whom I have failed
Even the boy I thought loved to the greatest of heights
Remember, this tragedy
And my atoning vale