(Just note I am doing this for a speech competition so it will be longer than 3 minutes, 

 and any and all feedback would be appreciated)

Hello, my name is Zakk Brandt, and here is some slam poetry about all of the things I hate.

Pringle cans. Why does it seem that every time I reach my average sized hands into them, the can binds to it and there is no way to ever get it off. Why does it seem that every time I attempt to pour the crumbs out of the can into my mouth, they just end up all over my face and chin, like a bird dropping its fecal matter on my face? The average width of the human hand is 3.1 inches and the diameter of a Pringle can is 2.5. Imagine all of the men and women who struggle to grasp the salty oasis that is a Pringle. If the company would just think of the pain that it’s can causes to one's hand when you are forced to scrunch it up into a mangled ball just to grab a chip, I would be happy. This a major problem that needs fixing. Don’t mind violence, bigotry, hatred, underage drinking, no! Pringle can, first priority.

Pop music, I despise it. It is only a matter of time before the next pretentious, metrosexual 14-year-old boy steps into the music industry, before the next mildly attractive male who thinks he can swoon teenage girls with vague love songs gets a record deal. This is a disease made up of repetitive catchy choruses and the same G, C, D, and A chords. Ed Sheeran, Shawn Mendes, Jacob Sartorius, and the man himself, The Biebs. Like a snake, these overrated singers slither their way into our ears and poison our brains. These menaces to society give us the illusion that what they produce is good, but if you look deeper, you will find that the only inspiration in their lyrics in money. Capitalism is destroying the music industry with pop music, and it’s sickening.

One thing that gets on my nerves more than anything, hotels with terrible water pressure. Let’s say you’re on a business trip, you just got done with 3 2 hour meetings, and all you need is a relaxing shower to unwind. You reach for the faucet to turn on the shower, and all the sudden you're pelted with water, and then you realize that the shower is actually a fire hose in disguise. Or you are on the other side of the spectrum, where you turn on the shower and you get a light drizzle that you can barely feel, just like the amount of emotion you feel after listening to Nickelback. Why these hotels decide to put fire hoses in their bathrooms and overprice the rooms, I have no idea, but this is the peak of first world torture.

I think of all of the things I could hate the most, it’s vending machines. Not because my bill is a little to crinkled, no. I hate vending machines that don’t accept 5 dollar bills! These machines were invented to get us quick drinks or snacks, but now that you have to have exact change for your drink, it's no longer fast.  You do not know how many times I have left a vending machine empty handed because I did not have enough 1 dollar bills in my wallet. I am always finding myself constantly getting change for my 5$ just so I can get a coke. It really doesn’t help that the prices of the items are rising to the point where it wouldn’t make any sense to use 1 dollar bills in the first place! It is beyond me why any company would think this would be a good idea in the first place! They are taking away from the convenience we all want in this day in age and it’ ridiculous!

That is just a small portion of my list, but none the less, thank you.