Tell the jokes that make everyone laugh so hard the tears run 

Down their cheeks

They double over, red faced, holding their stomachs, some even shriek

I am the clown

No one will see the tears, the frown

I fear vulnerability, weakness

To let someone pass my defenses is ludicrous

However I wasn't always like this

I let people in and they broke this organ called a heart

They shattered the soul, ripped it apart

Nearly took my life, a near miss

So to protect myself from an onslaught again 

I will pretend 

Thus I wear a smile

keep being the comedian but all the while

I wonder when will I stop being so strong

When will someone offer me the shoulder to cry on

And yet I know people will believe my false sense of happiness

I put on the best show, no one the wiser, to breach my fortress

So if by chance my mask slips

And you see the pain in my eyes , the smile flips

You ask if I'm Okay?

And what do I say?

This is my chance, my moment to fully drop the charade

Give them my lemons to make lemonade

But I remember the pain of baring my soul, the exposure 

Of my emotions, to wolves in sheep's clothing, offering no closure

So I will tell them.... I'm fine

Put back on the mask, I refuse to be swine

For the slaughter

Offered up on the alter

To be crucified for my fragile feeling

Thrown in my face, used against me, spite me, have me reeling

I'm pissed, I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm disappointed. I'm sensitive, dejected,

Rejected

Full of regret, wanting it to end, screaming inside

Breaking plates, smashing mirrors, throwing things, wanting to rewind

Having a tantrum, I'm tired of this inner turmoil, this chaos inside my mind...

Sorry.... my mask slipped again...I broke character

I need a brief intermission.........................lets get back to the laughter

So like any great performer the show must go on, audience are you stupefied?

Emotions suppressed 

Audience aren't you impressed?

My wall fortified

Audience are you ready to be mystified?

I am a true entertainer

You dare to be my disclaimer?