the lack of communication is unsettling to say the least

thoughts settling in my mind to a time where paranoia never ceased

life has got me on a leash

but a noose is tighter

and i may want to fight, but i’m not a fighter

no eating, losing weight makes me much lighter

pour down the gasoline

i’m gonna need a lighter

to burn this motherfucker to the ground

after all this time i thought my mind was sound

but now the alarm is going off

i’m waking up

the beeps give me anxiety

memories of what i thought used to be

but after all

it’s just a memory

 

alarm sounds

ultrasounds

the fetus of my youth

aborted

never seen to term

i made that decision myself

do i regret it?

yes

but there’s no going back

gotta find a way to get my mind on track

trains bustle by shaking the ground on its tracks

the discord of discourse numb my brain

numb the pain

deaf

is that all you are?

 

never responding

is my phone broken

leaving my “unread” words unspoken

unspoken barriers surround your emotions

every time i’m with you things go in slow motion

stop motion

freeze

tell me what all those tweets mean

“should i feel ashamed?”

tell me why you should

the texts?

“i want her so bad right now”

at this point, i’d hope you would

i won’t force you into what makes you unhappy

every though it was the only thing that can really make me happy

i care more about your sanity

than my sexual vanity

what is wrong with me

ashamed

i want her so badly

to come back into your life

steal your heart back

and in turn, break mine

it would be easier for you

to leave me then

i don’t know when

this is going to end

but with the way you act

i hope it’s soon

soon enough that i don’t get attached

soon enough so i don’t invest

soon enough that i don’t place my trust

too late

i love you, and

it’s just too late