“Ahh, Buster’s bigger than Patty! That means he’s taller than me!”

she yelled this as she hid behind me as the German shepherd

stood on his hindlegs placing his paws on my shoulders as I laughed.

She feared dogs.

 

“I don’t want to go up. They’re all looking”

My other friend confides in me before a presentation in class as I coaxed her.

She feared public speaking.

 

“I don’t want to lose you guys. I hustle to stay caught up with your achievements”,

I tell myself and not them as I fall victim to my own mind.

My fear is their disappointment.

 

“tell me your friends and I tell you who you are” couldn’t be further from the truth

I couldn’t stand the thought of not being successful.

Their report cards read like the climax of an opera singer’s song “Aaaaaa”,

while mine looked like a child who only knew the first 3 letters of the alphabet was practicing their calligraphy.

Their academic achievements wrote their college apps for them and will guarantee their admission.

 

It wasn't until I was shattered that sought I saught help

I broke down crying in class my sophomore year under the stresses of school

It is senior year now, and they barely found out it even happened

 

I didn't want them to know my struggles

I was a strong wall, they couldn't see the crumbling foundation under

the mask of my laughing grin

 

The day came when I realized I was falling into the same cycle

of stuggles, but this time, I came forward and spoke up

I eased into the conversation and when it wasn't clear and turned into a haze,

I abruptly blurted out "Please listen!" and commenced the story

that had found its way back to the beginning so that I could put an end to it.