I guess I’m okay.

People ask me all the time, “Hey, are you asian or something?”

That happened in

fourth grade and for the most part I told them that an

asian boy wouldn’t be able

to fluently speak spanish and have the last name

Pineda-Luna.

 

I guess I’m strange.

Apparently I am an Aquarius and

I have no idea what that means.

January 30th is my birthday and I

love tea so much.

I’m too nice to strangers.

Sometimes when I walk through large crowds

my eyes connect with other eyes like the wifi connects to your phone

and I smile.

And some smile back.

Some don’t.

And some don’t even bother to acknowledge my existence and stare off

into the universe.

They look through me like

when people go window shopping,

only looking

for

something in particular.

 

I guess I’m weird.

I was raised by a mechanic and a housekeeper. Those two don’t

really seem to get along.

Whenever I’m home there is always a constant struggle between engine oil, car parts,

chemicals, and

pine sol, vacuum cleaners, and even more

chemicals.

There are days where I don’t give a shit and let my room become swallowed by

a tsunami of clothes, books, and unhealthy habits.

There are days when my inner clean freak emerges from the very bottom

of my

conscience

and I drench my room with cleaning products; wiping every

last speck of dust I see.

I say,

“Kill every last one of them!”

as I spray febreeze for my final attack.

*Inhale deeply*

“Hawaiian sunset isn’t

even a real thing, but

I love the smell either way.”

 

I guess I’m lazy.

My dog tells me I don’t like to share the bed

and unintentionally push

him off during the middle of the night.

I can sleep for more than ten

hours on

Sunday,

eight on Tuesday,

Five

on

Thursday

if I feel like it,

maybe two on Friday, and

Saturdays I don’t sleep at all.

I’m lazy like when you wake up on a school day and lay there

for thirty minutes,

forced to remind yourself about the poor decisions you’ve made in life.

Maybe I shouldn’t have watched a two hour long movie at two in

the morning. Maybe I shouldn’t have spent forty dollars worth of junk food at

seven

eleven. Maybe I shouldn’t have told my

dad I crash my car going

10mph

on our drive

way.

 

I guess I’m different.

Sometimes I’ll  listen to Nas and

he tells me that

the world is yours.

Or I’ll listen to the

Arctic Monkeys and convince

myself that

I wanna be yours.

I’ll listen to hardcore hip hop when I have a bad day.

“One in the chamber, thirty two in the clip. Motherfuckers better strip.”

I’ll listen to indie rock when I have a sad day.

“When I’m not being honest, I pretend that you were just some lover.”

 

I’m Daniel.

And I don’t know myself.

Sleeping is my favorite pastime and spending countless hours on

Tumblr is my favorite hobby.

I hope one day I’ll look in the mirror and realize I’ve known myself since the day I was born.

You know what?

I’m Okay.