Where are you?

A cloud
A black mist
Swarming my thoughts
Poisoning my soul
Piercing my mind
My heart
My body
Sifting through my feelings
Juggling them like a clown
Always up in the air
Never sure
Always Hidden
Hiding
Deceiving
Lying

I want you here
With me
All of you
But all I ever see
Hear
Or know of you
Is a mask
A facade
A false front

I close my hand around nothing
Clench my fist
The air slips away

I'm left holding myself
Like I always do

I reach for you
You seep away
Back into the shadows

Maybe you were there
Maybe you are here
But why do I feel like I'm suffocating?