“You idiot” … that’s what you said, not that long ago

I agreed, you picked it, but for not the reasons you know

Your two little words did the trick, and at last I could see

Exactly what had happened, and how it had affected me

 

I’d like to thank you publicly, but you wouldn’t think that right.

So, I’ll thank you secretly, … but just for fun, in full plain sight.

Saved by another, but it was you who really woke me up

Distanced and used back then, I really was a ‘smuck’.

 

Do you recall querying me why I let her treat me that way

I remember smiling hoping my love would hold sway.

Warned so many years ago, I did not heed your words

Drunken with love, my mind immeasurably blurred

 

You know, I thought she loved me, but it was all a game

I did have hopes and dreams, but left feeling only shame

So many things I really want to say but cannot tell you

Perhaps you could see, ... perhaps you already knew

 

I do understand that to her I am now history

Long forgotten, just another ancient misery

In my mind she too was deeply hidden away

Till she escaped back into the light of my day

 

Forcing me to relive the time I spent with her crew

Reviewing my mistakes and considering hers too

Re-reading our story of love, hurt and final dismay

Enduring again the pain I suffered along the way

 

An idiot then, because regarding love she was never honest

Told by one with whom she slept, she was quite immodest

That one had rejoiced telling of what they both had done

To my brother, and that he had very much enjoyed the fun.

 

Shocked, I put it to her whether it was in fact true

All she could say was, “He shouldn’t have told you”

But it is too easy to blame just one or the other

The first mistake was mine, that guilt I won’t smother

 

Did you know she was still calling after we split

But it was her last call to me that like a brickbat hit

Telling me she “missed me” twisted my mind

After so much distancing, that was just so unkind

 

Bringing neither good cheer, my response to her call

She truly expected me to remain at her beck-n-call

As I’d run back before when she threw me a line

It’s the real reason she has hated me all this time

 

I hold nothing against her, nor the man she did pursue

If she is happy with him, … then I am too

But I am saddened that I was not to be the one

To walk beside her instead of under her thumb

 

Your two little words woke me from long inebriation

Quenching feelings evident despite long hibernation

I now know her better than I ever could before

Because your words shook me to my very core

 

Those very same words allowed me to work out

What my life with her was really all about

Forced to play a game where both committed sin

We played and she lost, … but I didn’t win.

 

To you I may still be an idiot and you know, that’s ok

To a beautiful lady, thank you, you really have made my day

In the not so distant future I shall draw upon my last breath

Do you think she will give a damn on hearing of my death?