My heart is pounding
So loud it is like thunder echoing through the valley
So hard that it hurts
And I cannot breath
My head is killing me slowly
Its like there is an army of families
Complete with tiny screaming children
Moving in rent free
Damaging the houses they live in
That was not even given to them
But they use it anyway
And I have no idea how to evict them

And no this is no disease
Or genetic mutation
There is nothing wrong with me
No malfunction in my brain or blood stream
I am simply afraid
Of this thing called public speaking

And I get that people enjoy this
Hell, they do it for fun
But how can I have fun when standing in front of people is like locking myself in an iron maiden
Like ripping my fingernails off one by one
Like rubbing salt in my wounds
How can I have fun
When every time I stand in front of 20 or 10 or even 5 people
My brain shuts down because I am terrified that they can hear every time the gears grind inside
Every time my words fumble or my voice shakes or my breath quivers
They can hear Every time my heart pounds like thunder
They can hear the family moving in