greeted by light i entered this world

content with a brightness i never questioned.

the darkness was anger, loss and hurt,

those things i’ve been taught to fear.

 

my nights danced with patterns

of the stars in the sky,

the fireflies in the chasm;

the gossamer of the universe.

 

i held on tightly to what i believed to be good enough.

darkness was wrong,

to crave the silence in the absence of light

was an unspeakable sin.

 

my own sins overtook my good intentions.

my heart broke to think i was defiant.

but light displayed my imperfections,

everthing i tried to conceal.

 

the darkness was home to the bats

the spiders the animals

that were cast into the abyss

by the day.

 

so i crawled right in

i made my home.

the webs were my cape;

the wings of fallen angels.

 

i became so aware

that i lost touch with reality.

i rode that high for a while

until pins and needles stuck into my fingers.

 

my head had grown

so used to the clutter

the chaos, the absolute misery

of it all

 

that i never minded the webs

the wings

the things that began

to show light.

 

it’s been years i suppose.

some springs have come

and with them their

cyclical cleansing.

 

only!

this time i will open the windows

the friends i had found in this place

will wander back to their rightful homes.

 

i will have new beginnings.

i’m not saying no to pain

to anger anguish hurt

misery, dying even.

 

i’m saying yes

to all the good and pure

and the warming light

of what i had denied myself.

 

for so so so long.