Someone I Am Not
All my life, I forced myself to say things
and to be things
and to like things.
And that has given me a lot of shame in my life.
I feel like I am trapped
in a never ending cycle.
Where I can’t speak up
for who I really am.
I tell people, “Be you! You’re beautiful, you’re equal, you’re enough!”
But I can’t even follow my own advice.
I disguise myself as someone who doesn’t have to face oppression,
just for who I am attracted to.
Daily, I hear horrible slurs by people who don’t even know.
They don’t know the constant shame I feel everyday as I can’t even open up about myself.
I’m faced everyday with the battle of, do I want to lose people that are in my life,
or do I want to love myself.
I can’t move forward in relationships where their pronoun is “he.”
My mother understands that and she said, “just date shes’!”
I know I like girls.
But I can’t say it outloud.
So my brain feels like a cloud.
Everything is mixed up in my head
as I try to understand myself.
No, this isn’t for clout,
this is me coming out.
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i love the entire poem but especially the part where you said "do I want to lose people that are in my life, or do I want to love myself." that was creative and relatable.