there will be tribulations that makes it hard to smile

despite the pain and despair, one must search and have a sense of humor

you have to smile regardless of the atrocities where we been dealt a bad hand

you have to smile through all this bulls**t

my life has been close captioned that didn't require a dvr recording

where my addiction came from you from all the alcohol and drugs you inhale in your pregnant body

that nearly destroyed me thanks to your drug fiend supplying boyfriend who i hate with all my being

when i came out of your womb, i came out looking like a modern day crack pipe

where my body was skinny as a stick, and my head was big like a crack pipe with tubes circulating in my nose

as i was gasping for air breathing for life

God is the reason why i'm still here mom

there is no fairy tale for a man of color that is being depicted by society as a boy being raise by a single mother with no education 

you left me stranded in this world of hell where satan lives with you 

you continue to listen to his words of torment that is far from the truth

failing to see the repercussions of living in this lifestyle has transform me to become what i despise

expressing myself through anger and rage 

constantly being backstab by your false promises to me

when i expose you for who you really are

i unveil your mask and discover your true identity

your body was numb, your heart skip a beat, your were silent

you didn't knew what to say because the truth hurts

all you can say to empower yourself was that's why you should've die

when you were born looking like a modern day crack pipe

that was the straw that broke the camel's back, i gave you my back

your existence was extinct

even at that, a part of me didn't want to shed tears in your grave site as i bury you 

at the same time, plotting how i'm going to bury your boyfriend

put him out of his misery

in my heart, i believe and i want to achieve

and i know your heart beats, but it's harden suppress by fear of what he'll do to you

we live in a two room shack, bills finally pay by your motherf**king boyfriend's drug money

even at that, all i want to do is just smile

i have a dream not to fantasize , but actually letting it come true

i'm just trying to find out how

ma, just want you to smile for me 

for once

smile for me

i haven't seen you smile, not one time

f**k the world, it's me against you

feeling stress from your outpours of cries

from the abuse where he's marking his territory to your body reminding you that he is only one you answer to

my son is silent, but violent like his papi

internalizing it deep in one's core tempting to not burst like an explosion

how much more can i take it until i see him

run up on him and POW

blows his brains where it splatters in the street where no one can find the remainding parts of his head

and then a word utters out of your mouth

you said pray

i remember the word pray, we use to go to church and pray

when i was a kid, i use to read the bible, i forgot alot of the verses and chapters

but there was a verse i do recall

the bible states

there are times

i've suffer shipwrecked in my journeys

in peril of robbers

in peril of false brethren

in perils of my own design

yet, from these perils comes knowledge

only from within may we truly shine

that moment, you smile

now it gave me a reason to smile