he had a past. 

physical

touching

heat.

he was known for his drive

his reputation was based on his tendency to always have a beautiful, flawless girl

who gave herself freely.

 

but one day i guess

he got stuck on me.

 

i told him i was not the kind of girl

who was physically free with her body.

i could not allow myself

to do the things that other girls he was with had done.

i told him my body didn't compare

and my face made theirs look like a goddess.

 

but he stayed.

 

i told him touching brought tears to my eyes

because i never felt like i could fulfill his needs.

i felt guilty because whenever he said he loved me

my mind went back in time to when my father said the same To my mother

and i remembered the tragedies that followed...

 

he told me i was different.

he swore.

he said he was in love with my soul

and the fact that i loved him for him

and not for his physical characteristics. 

 

on our first date, he didn't touch me below my shoulders.

it wasn't until 4 months in that he asked if he could hold my hand.

it seemed he loved my inability to be loved.

 

nobody believed me

they warned me about his past.

granted, it frightened me also,

but something inside told me...

told me maybe it was true

maybe i was different.

 

he  makes me feel beautiful.

like i can fly...

but even now some little voice pulls me back

tells me that regardless of what he claimed

attraction was skin deep

and human eyes are blind to the soul.