The Simple Ways You Broke Your Heart

Let’s start with the incredible decision of
not grabbing your sweater or a pair a gloves this morning.
Despite that you saw
with you YR OWN eyes that it was a mere 30 degrees which,
according to the weather channel felt like 26.
And, not reminding Jen to bring some weed despite
that she comes over almost every Sunday
to talk abt all the
momentos of Saturday night
that she doesn’t remember.

Meeting men like
Simon, Danny, Joe & Victor
and not giving them a chance. Men who never
tried to kiss you or unhook your bra
and looked at you with eyes
you didn’t recognize because you couldn’t believe
men could be as sweet as they were.
And the stupid mistake of allowing the thought of
being romantically involved with someone
make you feel incredibly lonely.

Oh what a fucking disheartening moment
When you give people who don't matter
Importance and forgetting those who might.

There was that insane idea you had at sixteen
that change could be prevented,
which was dumb as shit,
considering that by the age fourteen
you had a different taste in
Friends and,
then you did at the age of twelve.

And locking yourself in your room the summer of yr tenth year
because you had this fear that you were going to die
if you had any fun
punishing yourself, for letting your anxiety
make you believe that the numbers on the pages
of the math state exam
wanted to dance instead of being solved.
So, you thought,
that the only time you deserved to see the sun
had been on your walks to summer school.

And, letting boredom get the best of you that same summer, so,
you joined your classmates
by adding your giggles
to the soundtrack of the class
while they tortured
Mrs. Beckmann by throwing crayons at her wig
which eventually made her cry
but, you didn’t care because
you hated how she spoke to you
And the fact she didn’t realize that
you didn’t need to be there in the first place.
     Although when you were tucked into bed
those hot nights &
Closed your eyes
     You saw her crying face.

And the unforgettable nervousness
over a confession before your communion
that gave you a stomach ache and made you vomit
ALL the cheese from your extra cheese slice,
just to find the motherfucking priest,
while you let out these dark dark secrets
of being a stone cold sinner
who stoled a few Hershey kisses from
the bodega when you were eight and who,
earlier that same year,
regretted not defending that girl
your so called friends decided to spit in the milk of,
because finally,
in months you were not their main target.
Or the moment, you decided to lie to your mom
when she asked who left the five fingers imprinted on your face
that one afternoon, after school,
you made her wait a half hour for you in the cold.
How you must have broken her heart for not confessing
And making her feel so helpless.

And there it goes again,
Almost as if embedded as a human defect
Making the redundant mistake of,
giving importance to people who don’t matter
and forgetting those who actually do.
With that being said,
Those are just SOME simple ways you’ve broken your heart.


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