I’ve been staring at that stupid cup for

Hours now, ticking by like the tiny legs of spiders

As they crawl across the crack in the pavement.

There goes one more, and still the cup is

Empty.

Another hour gone, and I haven’t managed to

Find the cure for this desert; this silver-blindness.

How can you sit there, twiddling your thumbs like the

Wisest of sages, showing off your optimism like a

Puffed-up peacock

When I am still trying to force a drop out of this drought?

This glass has been dried up for days; I’ve been taking more

Than I’ve been able to put back.

Half-full, you say?

Full of what?

Unicorns, happily ever after’s, pain medication

And other things that are hard to swallow?

I’ve been force-fed that before, and

I’ve had the morphine drip that battles against the brain

As it tells you you’re in pain.

But the moment they rip out that stream of lies

The haze disappears and you are left with

Empty.

 

I stared at that cup as I laid in that bed,

Embracing the emptiness of it all.

You stood up, hands on your hips

And wagged your finger down at me.

Little girl, stop searching for the sadness and start

Seeking out the silver-lining.

You walked out of the room, leaving me

To wonder if there was even anything

Left to wrap in optimism.

I made a list, grasping at straws until I found

The needle in the haystack, silver and straight

As the rod they just drilled into my spine.

I held that needle as close at it would let me,

Squinting through the eye of the storm

Until I started to see the rainbows.

I don’t want to search for the silver;

It’s warm as steel and soft as nails,

And it wrapped around my world

Like the death grip of a cold, metallic snake.

But I will

Find the colors that calm and soothe

Like forests, that deep emerald city that comes only when

You take your first step of faith off the road

Less traveled by.

Like oceans, that foamy blue that caresses the coast-line

            Upon line upon wave upon

Those sandcastles…they dot the beach, home to mermaids and

A hermit crab who has kite-high expectations,

Like me.

Like wildflowers, lavender and lilac that sway gently with the

Mountains; so subtle that you have to close your eyes

To feel it.

Like chocolate, rich as the soil in a cozy little mug of cocoa,

Always with those microscopic marshmallows

That tickle your lips with the promise of

Something sweeter.

Is that hot chocolate half empty or half full?

I’m thrown back into the reality of

Questions that have haunted the rational part

Of the hospital…

Is there anything here worth outlining in silver?

Is there a color that can paint over pain?

Is there a cup anywhere in this world that is full enough

To make up for all the

Hunger, poverty, grief and

Empty?

 

I peer over the edge of that stupid cup.

I look inside, and see that

The world is full of awe-inspiring colors and

Words that fill what the water won’t.

You look at the glass and see it half-full,

And I used to see it fully empty.

But there is room in that glass for more than

What you can see and what

I can’t.

Half water, half air.

Have proof, but have hope because

There is more to life than cups

And what fills them.

Life is too awesome to fit into

A single silver lining.

There’s the slightest hint of purple, and a blush of

Pink, swirled together with a sky-fire that glows

Brighter than titanium on white.