i feel sick.
sick from the hurt
from the pain
from the hate i want to feel,
but cannot.
sick from the hole in my heart
from the helplessness
from the power you have over me
sick to my stomach when i see your face
sick from how you are treating me
sick from the anger.
anger, but not hate.
sick because i cant hate you
no matter how hard i try
no matter how you treat me
no matter how mean you are
it makes the pain worse
it makes it hurt more
but it doesnt make me hate you
i just feel sick
sick because i want to deny i ever loved you
sick because i still do
despite what you’ve done
sick because i dont want to
sick
tired
exhausted
of loving you
sick because im fed up with the tears
but i can’t escape them
cant escape the feeling
that i’m just another disappointment
that i’m unlovable
that i wasnt good enough
that i’ll never be good enough
or pretty enough
that it was my fault
that i’m the guilty one
because i loved you
sick because you know me so well
you know how to make me upset
you know what to do
to make me
hurt
and youre doing a damn good job of it
sick from the silence
sick because i want to scream
sick because i feel lost and alone
sick because you said you’d never abandon me
and yet here I am.
and where are you?
sick because of all the broken promises
sick because i feel empty
abandoned
helpless
powerless
discarded
defeated
broken
ugly
alone
angry
confused
let down
manipulated
played
used
hurt
sick.